Transition.

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I have just finished some pretty major layout changes. The header, font, layout, and background have all been adjusted to fit me now. Though I realize my background was sort of iconic for my blog--I've had it for three years now--it was time for a fresh look.

I feel like I am losing touch with this blog, though I will continue to write in it as long as I feel appropriate, because I feel it is a valuable time capsule. I may continue this blog through college, or I may start another that would better fit my growth as a person, a writer, and an artist. Regardless, I am so grateful to have a place to document and record my teenage years. I intend to make great use of this space as I wrap up my senior year.

I have finished the last of my college applications and I find myself counting down the days till graduation. Less than one hundred school days now. Less than one hundred mornings to wake up to at six A.M. I am suddenly ready to take the next step. I find myself awaiting my uncertain future with open arms. I seek a big city. I hope I can somehow stumble upon the perfect opportunity that would allow me to attend art school.

This summer will be the best of my life, though it feels so far away. I have a deathly case of wanderlust and senioritis, and I feel nostalgic for the future. I miss things I have never had and I cherish the things I will undoubtedly miss. I am soaking up every moment, but I am ready.

I seek change.

xx, Maddie

2011, Auld Lang Syne.

New Year's Eve has always been one of my absolute favorite holidays. I love the lack of expectation that comes with the day--the care-free smiles and parties, laughter and champagne, and the inevitable wave of nostalgia. So many other holidays have such high expectations. On Valentine's Day, you're expected to be in love or be miserable. At Christmas time, so many people concern themselves with the commercial and then complain that it "just doesn't feel like Christmas," but New Year's Eve is effortless, a breath of fresh air.

2011 has been the greatest year of my life, which I can claim with absolute certainty. I have been given wonderful opportunities and I have spent it surrounded by the people I love most. Last year at midnight, my friends and I made a toast to "the best year of our lives" that would indefinitely unfold, and as we clinked glasses and laughed, it felt sincere. Tonight, I will celebrate the arrival of 2012 in an identical fashion, though the kids behind those glasses of sparkling cider are now adults, ready to face the world. Brave, yet scared out of their wits. We have grown up.

I look forward to 2012 with great anticipation. It will bring some of the biggest changes and challenges of my life so far. I will move out of my family's home and into a college--not to mention, I'll have to choose a college. I will spend a week in Switzerland and Italy, exploring and rediscovering my soul. I will graduate high school. I will see my friends scatter in all different directions. I will love, laugh, cry, paint, create, and rediscover.

2011, you've been kind.

Happy New Year.

xo, Maddie

Full of Life.

I am full. Full of life. After months of apathy and melodramatic listlessness I have finally found contentment once again. I am making plans to visit Switzerland and Italy this summer on pennies I have earned and saved. I have spent the last week with my family, loving them wholeheartedly and truly appreciating their presence; I realize this is the last year I will be living at home and I want each second to count. I am so blessed to be alive and surrounded by so many amazing people.

I want to travel, exploring every country and continent. I want to live off a terrible waitressing gig and spend my nights in Parisian cafes, reading Plath and Woolf. I want to lay on my back in a wide open field, gazing at the stars through tear-filled eyes because the universe is so inexplicably beautiful. I want to listen to music that blows my mind. I want to choose a college that suits me, spending my four years studying art and politics and poetry. I want to wander, my belongings folded neatly in an old canvas backpack, walking calmly alongside my bicycle. I want to take photographs that push people to the verge of tears. I seek to capture fleeting, organic moments that we all seek to remember, mentally bookmarking the memories with care and constant, overwhelming nostalgia. I want to start each morning with a five mile run, stopping by the florist on the way home. Burning my tongue on black coffee, I will awaken my soul with caffeine and current events scrawled across the daily newspaper in typical editorial typography. I want to eat natural foods that nurture my body. I want to love recklessly and carefully, disregarding outside influence or opinion.

I am alive. I am alive. I am alive.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

xo, Maddie

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.

Merry Christmas Eve, readers. I know I have neglected this blog as my life gets increasingly busy, but I really want to thank each and every one of you for reading over the years. I promise to post more frequently this year.

I'm listening to Christmas carols, and the seasonal nostalgia has finally hit me. It truly feels like Christmas. It feels so unbelievable that next Christmas, I will be coming home from college to celebrate. I'm going downstairs now to eat lasagna with my family and attend a Christmas Eve service at our church.. I hope you all have a truly magical Christmas. Holiday blessings from my heart to yours.

xo, Maddie