These nights stretch on endlessly, black sky stretching out above as we race through the night. Against time. Endless. We're holding hands as I drive, singing, thinking, crying, laughing. It amazes me, this kind of friendship. The depths I have reached with you both fills me up, yet terrifies me at the same time. I am scared to lose you. To laugh so happily and carefree, then to talk of the future with frightened anticipation. You know my most inward self, sides of me that few others have seen. We lay on our backs listening to My Love on repeat for hours at a time. We giggle together, smile and dream hazily, then sit in silence as tears fall down our cheeks.
"And in that moment, I swear, we were infinite."
The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
I have reached a crossroads in time. Tomorrow brings the future, yet today holds my decisions. I am recklessly yet delicately trying to capture every detail. I try to remember the image of your illuminated headlights, half empty coffee cups, blue wigs and baby pink fingernails. I soak up every second, etching each into my memory in an attempt to never forget it. Never forget this. I am at the happiest I have ever been, and yet the saddest. Yet somehow, I am content with this realization. We pull wrinkled thrift store dresses on over our heads and step into dusty kitten heels. We trample through snow and laugh as our fingertips go numb. We don flower crowns exactly one year after the last snow photo shoot. We see the growth in ourselves and look at our past in dazzled confusion. They are unrecognizable to us. Merely kids with big dreams and twinkling eyes.
I want to tell you that I love you. Over and over. I want to tell you both how much you complete me, because I'm scared I won't get to say it enough to let it truly sink in. I am racing against time, dragging it in frustration, trying to slow change down yet speed it up all at once. We are in a mad, drunken daze, a dance with time, a race with youth. My love.
"So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be." The Perks of Being a Wallflower.