They stop telling you to dream once you wake up to the reality of adulthood.
When you’re young, you are bombarded with encouraging messages, pats-on-the-back, “Hang in there, baby” posters of kittens, and teachers who encourage you to reach for the stars. It trickles down through the very beginning of high school, and as you fill out career aptitude tests that supply you with an overwhelming amount of options, you are told to take your time. “You can have it all! Anything you would like to be, you can be it.”
You blink your eyes and suddenly, it’s senior year. Suddenly the take-your-time’s turn intomake-your-decision-the-clock-is-ticking. College applications form a towering stack and all you really want to do is to search out those old dreams. Everything you seemed so passionate about—so inspired by—seems to have slipped through your fingertips. The endless possibilities have turned into financial conflicts; we live in a world where your lifestyle seems limited to your pocketbook.
I want to find the girl inside of me who gazed in wonder at city lights and faced the world without fear. I want that passion to return to me—to know, without question, what I am meant for. I want to live in a world where traveling seems feasible. I want to wander through European streets and write. Scribbling madness with great fervor into a worn-out journal, encapsulating every experience, every second. I want to paint without worrying about color theory and composition. To write without analyzing grammar. I want to love without worrying about meeting expectations or falling short of what seems acceptable.
I want to tell my peers that dreaming without limits carries no expiration date. I want to live in a world where perpetual imagination is encouraged.
These are the thoughts of lately and soon. These are the things that keep me awake in a reality where I find it difficult to recognize the face in the mirror. Sometimes I feel like I must have slept through the last few years of my life. The people around me seem almost like strangers, though none more unknown than myself. I want to rediscover who I am. A rebirth of identity.
You blink your eyes and suddenly, it’s senior year. Suddenly the take-your-time’s turn intomake-your-decision-the-clock-is-ticking. College applications form a towering stack and all you really want to do is to search out those old dreams. Everything you seemed so passionate about—so inspired by—seems to have slipped through your fingertips. The endless possibilities have turned into financial conflicts; we live in a world where your lifestyle seems limited to your pocketbook.
I want to tell my peers that dreaming without limits carries no expiration date. I want to live in a world where perpetual imagination is encouraged.
These are the thoughts of lately and soon. These are the things that keep me awake in a reality where I find it difficult to recognize the face in the mirror. Sometimes I feel like I must have slept through the last few years of my life. The people around me seem almost like strangers, though none more unknown than myself. I want to rediscover who I am. A rebirth of identity.
I simply seek clarity.
xo, Maddie.
xo, Maddie.
9 comments:
I love this. As usual you find a beautiful way of expressing exactly what I'm going to. It's terrifying that the reality of your childhood dreams is just that; they're only dreams. Very few people actually accomplish the things they truely want in life and society does nothing to help them. Our lives are dictated by what's in our bank accounts and it's really quite sad.
Hmm, I'm 19 and I look back at my 15 year old self and I'm so much more jaded just because I understand so much more. Maybe. Maybe I was always jaded.
I love the beautiful way you expressed what so many of us seem to be feeling! It's so difficult to try following your dreams when everything (especially finances) seem to be against you. Life becomes about going through the motions and not really living up to what you want.
I've been stuck in that place for some time. I know what it's like to have lost sight of the inspiration and fervor you used to have. I can only hope that one day it returns.
I hope you find your inspiration again. I hope you never let go of your dreams. I hope you can find your way to make those dreams happen.
i know that feeling. i am rediscvering magic in my life and trying to bring it back to my writing. it has been hard. its like you said, you're told you can be anything, then they tell you what to do suddenly. it's hard. I'm mostly doing what i want now, but i have no money to travel or anything, but at least i am working towards what i actually want to be!
never compromise!
http://frustratedwriterstyle.blogspot.com/
...a world where perpetual imagination is encouraged...Exactly! I love that. Please don't become jaded ... take your time to seek clarity, and rediscover yourself but know that your possibilities are endless. xoxDominica
http://www.smartgirlworld.com
I think I know how you feel- torn between growing up and desperately clinging onto the last shreds of childhood dreams.
Why can't I have both?
Amen!
Satin&Souffles xx
You have so much strength as a person and I admire you for that. I truly believe that you will overcome this uncertainty and achieve great things :)
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