{Sprinkle Diary}

Valentine's Day.

2012-02-14T16:30:00.001-06:00

Today is a day both celebrated and hated, but most can agree that the opinions held regarding February 14th are anything but neutral. I woke up this morning feeling as if it were any other day--which, honestly, it is. I used to worship this holiday, wearing red and pink and obsessing over anything pink and sparkly--those of you who have followed this blog since the beginning remember that phase, unfortunately. Shortly after followed the period of romantic mourning where I publicly declared my disdain--I was miserably single and I wanted everyone to know it.

This morning, however, I woke up and said hello to another Tuesday. I would be lying if I said that I didn't have my moments, but at the end of the day, I'm happy. I can say that with absolute certainty. I am at a time in my life where I have finally achieved balance. I am surrounded by the people I love most. I am surrounded by love.

Saturday evening I got all dolled up with these wonderful people and ate dinner in the city, followed by a night of karaoke and laughter. To be honest, it was one of the greatest nights of my high school career thus far. I am in love with my friends, my future, my life. I am happy with who I have become and who I am growing into.

Today, I can say with confidence and absolute sincerity: Happy Valentine's Day, readers. I wish you love and happiness in all aspects of your life.

Maddie

Thinking.

2012-02-09T17:30:00.000-06:00

I've been giving a lot of thought lately towards what it means to be successful, both on a personal and general level. I've always associated my level of happiness with the success I achieve early on in my life. I have placed a great deal of unnecessary stress upon myself to earn good grades, get accepted into a great art school, earn scholarships, jumpstart a successful career, etc. I think I have been mistaken in assuming that the struggles and triumphs life throws at me decide my happiness and wellbeing.

Lately, however, as I actually face my future and realize how completely powerless I am in all of it, my viewpoint has changed. I think I displayed a great deal of arrogance in my planning. I’ve come to terms with the fact that it doesn’t really matter where I go to college or what job I am able to land. All that truly matters is that I am happy, healthy, and surrounded by the people I love.

I used to think that if I didn’t live in all the cities that I wanted to, or read all the books on my list, or do all the things on my “bucket list,” that I would have failed. In reality, this is anything but true. The past few years have been the happiest that I can remember, and they were experienced in a suburban high school—a time that most people choose to conveniently block out of their memory. If I was able to make the most of my time here and enjoy every second of it, that should only be additional proof that my surroundings don’t determine my success.

So what is success, then? To me, success is friendship so strong that you can’t bear the thought of moving in less than six months. Success is waking up next to someone who makes you feel alive, or if not, waking up and simply celebrating being alive. Success is living a healthy and balanced lifestyle—eating with a holistic mindset and breaking through personal fitness limitations. Success is obsessively photographing every meaningful moment, enjoying time spent alone in nature, and making the most of the life you’ve been given.

I am happy, and I am ready for the rest of my life.

Maddie

2012 Resolutions for Revolution.

2012-01-24T17:00:00.005-06:00

As you may have noticed, I never posted my resolutions for 2012. To be completely honest, January was an awful month for me. It was stressful and I neglected my health for stress and junk food. February, however, holds a refreshing sense of peace. Last night, I finally felt things coming together. I ran three miles, cleaned, and spent the evening thinking about my goals. I think my ultimate 2012 resolution is to go out and make things happen, but to also just let things happen. What is meant to be will be.

Become healthy and happy. Over the past six months, I have lost twenty five pounds, and I have about thirty more to lose by this summer. I have done so in a totally healthy way--I try to eat clean and healthy and run as often as possible. I started out running one mile at a time and I just broke three miles last month. In 2012, I will reach my ultimate goal weight. I will be fit, healthy, and happy. I made the switch to vegetarianism a little over two months ago, and I have loved it so far. I hope to run five miles at a time by the end of the summer. I feel strong and invincible, and I know I'll keep pushing.

Stop being so cynical and stop being two-faced. I really need to stop talking about people behind their back. I don't think I'm a gossipy person, but I've been acting extremely passive aggressive lately. I also get overwhelmed and stressed about politics, and I have become jaded and cynical. I want to really start seeking out the beauty and optimism in life again. I also want to tell people exactly how I feel to their faces and stop talking about them behind their back.

Make things happen, but let things happen. What is meant to be will be. I need to work on being more zen. I over-analyze everything and attempt to control every single situation. When I have an early curfew, I check my phone every five minutes until it's time to leave. I need to learn to relax. I also want to be a go-getter. 2012 will be my year.

Little things. Stop biting my nails. Download new music. Develop better posture. Be more calm, loving, and understanding towards my family. Blog more frequently. Drink lots of water. Eat clean. Find myself and stop looking for love. Run six miles at a time. Graduate!

I am ready. 2012, let's do this.

Maddie

Transition.

2012-01-17T23:00:00.001-06:00

Image source unknown.

I have just finished some pretty major layout changes. The header, font, layout, and background have all been adjusted to fit me now. Though I realize my background was sort of iconic for my blog--I've had it for three years now--it was time for a fresh look.

I feel like I am losing touch with this blog, though I will continue to write in it as long as I feel appropriate, because I feel it is a valuable time capsule. I may continue this blog through college, or I may start another that would better fit my growth as a person, a writer, and an artist. Regardless, I am so grateful to have a place to document and record my teenage years. I intend to make great use of this space as I wrap up my senior year.

I have finished the last of my college applications and I find myself counting down the days till graduation. Less than one hundred school days now. Less than one hundred mornings to wake up to at six A.M. I am suddenly ready to take the next step. I find myself awaiting my uncertain future with open arms. I seek a big city. I hope I can somehow stumble upon the perfect opportunity that would allow me to attend art school.

This summer will be the best of my life, though it feels so far away. I have a deathly case of wanderlust and senioritis, and I feel nostalgic for the future. I miss things I have never had and I cherish the things I will undoubtedly miss. I am soaking up every moment, but I am ready.

I seek change.

xx, Maddie

2011, Auld Lang Syne.

2011-12-31T17:00:00.002-06:00

New Year's Eve has always been one of my absolute favorite holidays. I love the lack of expectation that comes with the day--the care-free smiles and parties, laughter and champagne, and the inevitable wave of nostalgia. So many other holidays have such high expectations. On Valentine's Day, you're expected to be in love or be miserable. At Christmas time, so many people concern themselves with the commercial and then complain that it "just doesn't feel like Christmas," but New Year's Eve is effortless, a breath of fresh air.

2011 has been the greatest year of my life, which I can claim with absolute certainty. I have been given wonderful opportunities and I have spent it surrounded by the people I love most. Last year at midnight, my friends and I made a toast to "the best year of our lives" that would indefinitely unfold, and as we clinked glasses and laughed, it felt sincere. Tonight, I will celebrate the arrival of 2012 in an identical fashion, though the kids behind those glasses of sparkling cider are now adults, ready to face the world. Brave, yet scared out of their wits. We have grown up.

I look forward to 2012 with great anticipation. It will bring some of the biggest changes and challenges of my life so far. I will move out of my family's home and into a college--not to mention, I'll have to choose a college. I will spend a week in Switzerland and Italy, exploring and rediscovering my soul. I will graduate high school. I will see my friends scatter in all different directions. I will love, laugh, cry, paint, create, and rediscover.

2011, you've been kind.

Happy New Year.

xo, Maddie

Full of Life.

2011-12-25T22:30:00.001-06:00

I am full. Full of life. After months of apathy and melodramatic listlessness I have finally found contentment once again. I am making plans to visit Switzerland and Italy this summer on pennies I have earned and saved. I have spent the last week with my family, loving them wholeheartedly and truly appreciating their presence; I realize this is the last year I will be living at home and I want each second to count. I am so blessed to be alive and surrounded by so many amazing people.

I want to travel, exploring every country and continent. I want to live off a terrible waitressing gig and spend my nights in Parisian cafes, reading Plath and Woolf. I want to lay on my back in a wide open field, gazing at the stars through tear-filled eyes because the universe is so inexplicably beautiful. I want to listen to music that blows my mind. I want to choose a college that suits me, spending my four years studying art and politics and poetry. I want to wander, my belongings folded neatly in an old canvas backpack, walking calmly alongside my bicycle. I want to take photographs that push people to the verge of tears. I seek to capture fleeting, organic moments that we all seek to remember, mentally bookmarking the memories with care and constant, overwhelming nostalgia. I want to start each morning with a five mile run, stopping by the florist on the way home. Burning my tongue on black coffee, I will awaken my soul with caffeine and current events scrawled across the daily newspaper in typical editorial typography. I want to eat natural foods that nurture my body. I want to love recklessly and carefully, disregarding outside influence or opinion.

I am alive. I am alive. I am alive.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

xo, Maddie

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.

2011-12-24T17:39:00.004-06:00

Merry Christmas Eve, readers. I know I have neglected this blog as my life gets increasingly busy, but I really want to thank each and every one of you for reading over the years. I promise to post more frequently this year.

I'm listening to Christmas carols, and the seasonal nostalgia has finally hit me. It truly feels like Christmas. It feels so unbelievable that next Christmas, I will be coming home from college to celebrate. I'm going downstairs now to eat lasagna with my family and attend a Christmas Eve service at our church.. I hope you all have a truly magical Christmas. Holiday blessings from my heart to yours.

xo, Maddie

Because These Things are Certain.

2011-11-28T17:30:00.003-06:00

These were part of a conceptual self-portrait exploration I completed about a month ago. I wanted to explore the idea that the people we are in each moment are shaped by our experiences and interactions, no matter how insignificant. These experiences create a new skin, forming a mask of sorts, so that our most raw and honest self is never truly visible. The mask of experiences is not fake or purposeful, and it is not any less a part of who we are--it resembles us because it is a definite part of us, but we will never be at the pure level at which we began.

I also thought it was an interesting way to show our personal limitations. We are assigned such a limited understanding of who we are individually. I began to explore this idea after reading The Bell Jar and digesting a particular quote in which she [Sylvia Plath] says,

"I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones, and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited."

Whenever I find myself engulfed in stress, I find it helpful to write out facts about positive things relevant to my current situation that I know to be certain. I am trying not to drown in the (over-dramatized and probably-not-that-bad) stress of an upcoming sociology test, history assignment, college application deadline, art project, and youth in government convention. For instance...

I have dyed my hair a deep dark shade of brown. My new size-smaller-skinny-jeans are beginning to feel baggy. I will leave Thursday morning for a wonderful weekend spent discussing and debating politics. I have very little left to complete for all of my college applications. Everything will turn out alright no matter what. I am surrounded by people I love and a family that supports me. I feel healthy and alive. I am packing red lipstick and blazers for my political weekend. Things are coming together.

Things are coming together. Because these things are certain.

xo, Maddie

All of My Days.

2011-11-24T22:30:00.002-06:00

In the back of my school's cafeteria, a digital clock rests under the balcony. Red numbers scroll constantly across the screen, counting down the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until my graduation. Each day as I walk absent-minded back to my classes, the red numbers catch my eye and my chest jumps. The days have fallen into the one-hundreds now, and as the seconds rapidly decrease, I mentally scan over my ever-growing to-do list. There is something so terrifying about the speed of time. Every single second seems wasteful, even at my happiest.

In a little over nine months, I will be living on my own, most likely hours away from my closest friends and family. Today was my last Thanksgiving living at home. Next year, I'll have come back home from college. It scares me and excites me how quickly things change and time passes.

Since I have been an awful blogger, I'll catch you up on my life as of lately. I have worked endlessly on college applications and have applied to seven or so art schools around the country. I bought tickets to see Florence and the Machine live in two weeks, and I am attempting to get press passes. Courtney and I are preparing issue five of Missfits. I am saving for a trip to Greece and Italy this summer. I have been hired as a sales representative for a local photography studio. I spent Halloween dressed up as Snow White. I am indescribably excited for Christmas. I am going to dye my hair a very dark shade of brown. I've lost fifteen pounds. Tomorrow is my first day as a vegetarian.

It is so strange how much can happen in a little under a year..

I can only strive to appreciate and enjoy every moment that I'm given.

I am recklessly happy.

xo, Maddie.

All photos were taken by me.

A Rebirth of Identity.

2011-10-10T21:30:00.000-05:00

They stop telling you to dream once you wake up to the reality of adulthood.

When you’re young, you are bombarded with encouraging messages, pats-on-the-back, “Hang in there, baby” posters of kittens, and teachers who encourage you to reach for the stars. It trickles down through the very beginning of high school, and as you fill out career aptitude tests that supply you with an overwhelming amount of options, you are told to take your time. “You can have it all! Anything you would like to be, you can be it.”

You blink your eyes and suddenly, it’s senior year. Suddenly the take-your-time’s turn intomake-your-decision-the-clock-is-ticking. College applications form a towering stack and all you really want to do is to search out those old dreams. Everything you seemed so passionate about—so inspired by—seems to have slipped through your fingertips. The endless possibilities have turned into financial conflicts; we live in a world where your lifestyle seems limited to your pocketbook.

I want to find the girl inside of me who gazed in wonder at city lights and faced the world without fear. I want that passion to return to me—to know, without question, what I am meant for. I want to live in a world where traveling seems feasible. I want to wander through European streets and write. Scribbling madness with great fervor into a worn-out journal, encapsulating every experience, every second. I want to paint without worrying about color theory and composition. To write without analyzing grammar. I want to love without worrying about meeting expectations or falling short of what seems acceptable.

I want to tell my peers that dreaming without limits carries no expiration date. I want to live in a world where perpetual imagination is encouraged.

These are the thoughts of lately and soon. These are the things that keep me awake in a reality where I find it difficult to recognize the face in the mirror. Sometimes I feel like I must have slept through the last few years of my life. The people around me seem almost like strangers, though none more unknown than myself. I want to rediscover who I am. A rebirth of identity.

I simply seek clarity.
xo, Maddie.

Missfits Magazine: Issue 4!

2011-09-11T19:00:00.001-05:00

We are so happy to share the latest issue of Missfits with all of you. Check it out & like us on facebook!

xo, Maddie

Let the only sound be the overflow.

2011-09-07T20:00:00.000-05:00

Without the risk of sounding like a complete and utter dork, let me just say--I am in love with my life. The past few years I have spent my afternoons practically chained to my desk, groggily pushing through mountains of homework with a frazzled and exhausted demeanor. Now each day seems to bring a new adventure. I am in love with week night evenings spent reading beautiful books and drinking pumpkin spice beverages (I won't stop talking about pumpkin spice with great excitement until they replace it with coconut for spring and summer).

There is something so comforting about having people in your life who are willing to listen. Unconditional love and acceptance continue to bring joy into my life, and I am so blessed to know and love the people I do.

This weekend is the Homecoming dance, & as a senior, I feel it my obligation to attend for the last time. I have a fantastic polka-dot (what else would you expect?) dress picked out, and I can't wait to attend with some of my truly favorite people.

Here's to crisp autumn mornings with the windows rolled down.

xo, Maddie

We shed what was left of our summer skin.

2011-08-30T21:30:00.000-05:00

Polina Sova by Jason Ell / Stylist Magazine

I am at a crossroads. I am running towards the future and fleeing it in fear. I apologize for my lack of posts-- I have been readjusting myself to the school year and I am slowly beginning to settle back into the routine.

I have been running every evening and eating healthy foods. I have to get eye glasses. I have begun to compulsively chew apple pie gum. My easy classes have become a source of relaxation, yet the empty curriculum makes the days pass all too slow. Huge projects and exciting developments consume my time. I spend Saturdays at my new job as a cashier in a children's bookstore.

Every single second seems reckless, almost wasteful. I haven't any idea what to do with my life or where I want to go. Sometimes I just want to rest for a long period of time. Months of peace, hibernation. Apart from anyone but myself, meditating and discovering who it is that I am. I think it is ridiculous that we are expected to choose a career at such a young age and commit to it for all our lives. I have higher expectations. I fear the ticking time bomb, the moment where those expectations are shattered for a twisted, grown-up reality. I am growing tired of the same old pain, relentless. I am growing tired of fighting it off.

It isn't to say that I am unhappy. More thoughtful and somber, if you will. These weekends pass peacefully and quickly, full of moments of raw existence. Thrilled to be alive.

I wish nothing but the best for you.

Maddie

Return to Academia.

2011-08-17T19:30:00.001-05:00

Today was my last first day of school and the beginning of my senior year. I have mostly easy classes this year, which will be such a nice change from previous years. In fact, my schedule basically consists of sociology, english, history, and art classes. To be completely honest, I feel a bit guilty for taking such easy classes. But at the same time, I want to take advantage of the free time. I've decided to completely devote myself to my art classes and spend any free time creating art, reading, running, or napping. This will be the year I apply for colleges, and I really want to figure out who I am and where exactly I'm going.

It seems so odd that summer is over. It was honestly one of the best summers of my entire life, and it seemed like school had been out forever. It felt like a really wonderful dream, and this morning we had to wake up to reality. As my alarm clock went off, it felt like the long months of vacation had been nothing but a short weekend. It's strange how the perspective of time changes.

Enjoy the video. These were my favorite memories made set to the brilliant new Coldplay single (so stoked for their new album)!

xo, Maddie.

August Break: Day One.

2011-07-31T16:24:00.003-05:00

I decided that it would be easier to post once at the end of each week with the photos from each day rather than posting daily. Today, however, I wanted to kick off the program. This morning I enjoyed a cup of coffee from my favorite mug and the company of a wonderful new book called Anthropology of an American Girl. I was worried that it would be full of cliches and gender roles, but it is actually a fantastic confrontational + relatable book.

Enjoying the sound of silence.
xo, Maddie.

The August Break 2011.

2011-07-29T15:30:00.000-05:00

I wanted to take a moment to explain a few things. First of all, I know that my writing has been sparse this summer, but I can explain this by assuring you all that the time off has been spent rejuvenating and running around, partaking in summertime activities. Nonetheless, I apologize for my absence. But there are a few things I've been needing to catch you up on lately.

August Break 2011. I have been feeling completely drained as of recently. As I described in my previous post, I am elated, yet at the same time, exhausted. I have decided that it would be good for me to take a small break from the internet. My good friend Audrey sent me a link to The August Break 2011, and it sounded perfect for me. Basically, I am going to be blogging a single photograph each day. I may accompany it with some words, or I may not. I generally post a back to school intentions post sometime in August as well as a Style Manifesto, but I think I'm going to give myself some time to really think these things through and post them in early September. I hope you can understand.

Other than these photo posts + tweeting via my phone, I will be completely disconnected from the internet (besides attending to things for Missfits, which isn't really an option). I cannot wait. I am going to use this time to eat naturally + really think about the things I'm taking in. I'm also going to partake in a serious organizational purging to clean my room + really decide what I need and what I can part with. I'm also going to try to sketch and write a little each day. A friend of mine recently showed me the 750 words project, which sounds perfect. I want to read the dozens of books collecting dust on my bookshelf. I want to stretch and exercise and feel powerful in my own strength. In short, I am ready for a major lifestyle cleanse.

Thank you for understanding.

xo, Maddie

All Things Go.

2011-07-27T23:30:00.000-05:00

It's wanting to run away and start anew, yet still holding onto the threads that create your treasured reality. I have never felt such a strong desire to throw a few things into a suitcase and drive to somewhere I have never been before. To become anonymous in a city unknown and unexplored. Yet I am running, fleeing the change that is predestined to arrive at any moment. I'm spending every possible second with my friends and holding on to these precious memories in the making. I am terrified of losing them. I've never been so afraid and yet so restless and alive.

I drove home past midnight the evening of my birthday, thinking over the day's events. I had just parted with my friends after one of the greatest nights of my life. As I smiled and replayed the minutes and freshly painted memories in my mind, I burst into tears. Relentless.

I am both the happiest and the saddest I have ever been. I am ready for the change and the growth that inevitably awaits me, yet I am chasing after my childhood, reaching and hoping to grasp any remaining time.

I want to tell you how much you mean to me. I want to tell you how much you have shaped my world; how much influence your simple friendship has had over my life. I want to share my whole universe with you.

This is the hardest thing that I will face. I will face each day in appreciation and I will live.

xo, Maddie

Seventeen.

2011-07-23T00:00:00.002-05:00

I have exactly ten minutes left as a sixteen-year-old. I'm listening to Sweet Sixteen by Hilary Duff like a complete and utter dork, enjoying the relevance of the lyrics for one last time. Seventeen. Approaching my senior year with real life responsibilities and opportunities. Doors opening left and right as I leave others behind.

It is so strange to think about myself at this time last year. I have grown an unbelievable amount throughout these last twelve months--I have changed both in appearance and mindset. The fifteen-almost-sixteen-year-old me of last summer seems almost unrecognizable. So young.

Sixteen was one of the greatest years of my life. I feel so incredibly blessed by the things I have experienced, the people I have met, the opportunities I have been given, and the memories I have made. If seventeen is even remotely close to the magic of sixteen, I cannot wait.

There is something so strange about growing up. My friends and are I facing the time of our lives. The gateway to our futures in which we must face our perpetually procrastinated "when-I-grow-up's" and decide which path we'll take to the rest of our lives. This year will bring many milestones as I apply for college, graduate from high school, and experience the pain of leaving old friends behind and greeting the new.

Something about birthdays has always scared me, in a way. When I was a little kid, I would always hide in the bathroom before my birthday parties as the guests arrived, crying until my mimi came in to coax me back outside. She would always use a warm washcloth to wipe away my tears and ask me what was wrong, and I always answered, "I am growing up."

Now it is time to face my fears and my forever's-and-ever's with open arms. I am here, and I am ready. Here's to another wonderful year.

Seventeen.

xo, Maddie.

The Verge of Fulfillment.

2011-06-29T20:16:00.003-05:00

"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it." Roald Dahl.

Today, I have come to a conclusion. If I am happy, if I make a difference, and if I am surrounded by people that encourage me to grow and become a better version of myself, I am successful.

Something has clicked inside of me. Last week I attended Girls State (a political camp of sorts) and met so many inspiring women. I listened to politicians and strong women encourage me to follow my dreams, and the words stung as if they were meant for my ears alone. This concept of growing up has been eating me alive for months. I am scared to leave, scared to apply for colleges, and I have no idea what I want for my life. But with the combination of last week’s powerful advice and this week’s nonstop creativity, I have hit a turning point, and I have opened a new page. Something has clicked. I have been attending a seven hour intensive painting class at the local art institute this week, working nonstop with disregard to flaws or minor imperfections. Simply pushing through any errors until I finish. It has given me a lot of time to think. Today I left after class + drove around the city until I reached a vegan coffee shop in an old house, art covering the walls. I sat with a good friend of mine and talked about my faith, my philosophies, my goals and hopes. I want to fall in love with God again. I feel so alive.

I drove home listening to Kate Nash’s album My Best Friend is You and heard one verse a bit clearer than the others. She says, “I don’t know how more people haven't gotmental health problems. Thinking is one of the most stressful things I've ever come across, and not being able to articulate what I want to say drives me crazy. I think I should read more books, learn some new words. My sister used to read the dictionary; I'm going to start with that. I'd like to travel. I want to see India and the pyramids, a whale and that race with all the bicycles in France... I like flowers and simplicity. I like compassion and thoughtful gifts. I like being able to shout but I wish I could be quiet. When I'm quiet, people think I’m sad and usually I am. Sometimes when I’m at a busy train station, I feel like putting down my bags and shouting things out, because I’ve got something to say! Don't you want to share the guilt?”

I want to surround myself with talented, creative people. I want to be truly content. I’ve started to gain more self confidence in the realization that there is so much more to life than caring about weight. Obsessing about appearance does nothing for happiness. Kate Makkai says in her poem Pretty, “[This is] about women who will prowl thirty stores and six malls to find the right cocktail dress but haven’t a clue where to find fulfillment or how to wear joy.”

I feel myself growing and changing… My interests are changing. I declare myself a feminist loud and proud and that is the one thing that has remained constant in my belief system, as experiences are changing me. People make assumptions about my beliefs based on that one term—“feminist.” I care about empowerment and positive energy. I don’t believe in being overly political—investing yourself in pointing out every single flaw in society is exhausting and overwhelming. That is pessimism, not feminism. I believe in seeing the good in people. In recognizing the beauty in the grassroots movement, acknowledging the strength we see in each other and pushing ourselves to our fullest potential. I believe feminism is reaching for the opportunities we are presented with, and even those we are not. The only true “glass ceiling” that separates us from following our dreams is the limit we set for ourselves. Do not blame others or the void that is society for your problems, but instead act as if those boundaries do not exist. Always push the envelope until you reach your personal best, and then push harder.

I want to change things. I want to speak to young women and politically active youth and stir them to action. I want to bring tears to the eyes of teenage girls in a college auditorium as so many women did for me last week. I want to smash patriarchy and I want girls to feel beautiful in their own skin. I want to destroy preconceived beauty culture. I want to write powerful words and inspire change.

I’m on the verge of a breakthrough. I have been given so many opportunities and blessings for which I am eternally grateful, and for them, I feel I have a duty to do something with the skillsets they have earned me. I don’t know exactly what that involves yet, but perhaps that is part of the journey. Ally McBeal once said, “I actually like the quest, the search. That’s the fun. The more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to.” I am lost, dazed and confused, and forever watching the world with glittering eyes. I am forever a student.

xo, Maddie

June June June.

2011-06-17T23:45:00.004-05:00

(all photos by me)

This will have to be a quick post of sorts, as I am off to Girls State! (A politics camp, if you will.) I will return next Saturday + hope to post more often upon my return. But for now, I just wanted to give you a peak into my summer adventures so far.

I hope you're all having a wonderful summer! Have a splendid week.

xo, Maddie

Missfits Issue 3: Now Available in Print!

2011-06-13T22:53:00.002-05:00

Missfits' summer issue is now available in print and digital download! You can snag yourself a copy of this deliciously radical + chic publication at Magcloud.com! Click here to add it to your collection--you know you want to!

xo, Maddie

P.S. While we realize the price is a bit expensive, there is unfortunately nothing we can do about it at this time. Until we find a publisher, the price of production tends to be fairly pricey, and we're only actually making a few dollars per issue. Help a girl out?

Girl on Fire.

2011-06-05T18:36:00.005-05:00

I always find it amusing that I seem to have more to blog about when I am sad, but when days drag on full of endless joy, I can't seem to find the time to write down a few words. I am two weeks into summer and I couldn't be happier. I am surrounded, constantly, by people that I love more than anything. Days trickle past slowly, each day lasting an eternity. Warm and lazy summer days, napping just to pass the time. Cool and electric summer nights, rushing by with that reckless teenage intensity.

Cuddling with friends in the backseat of a car under a warm, antique quilt. Big jugs of water and chocolate chip cookies. Peaceful naps and meditation. Holding hands with your best friend as she cuts off all of her hair. Snapping pictures of it at a local traveling carnival. Making hard decisions, but the right ones. Sharing secrets around a bonfire. These are the days I crave all winter long.

In other news, the third issue of Missfits is now available in print and for digital download. It'd mean a lot to me if you'd check it out. We also just found out some very exciting news, and we have a lot in the works for the next issue, a website, a shop, and the possibility of cheaper issues + the ability to subscribe! Thanks so much for your support.

xo, Maddie.

Missfits Magazine: Issue 3!

2011-06-05T09:43:00.003-05:00

We are proud to present Issue 3 of Missfits! Featuring an interview with the brilliantly talented Kate Nash, poet Tanya Davis, several breathtaking editorials, & more!

Spread the word!

xoxo, Maddie.

What It Really Means to Exist.

2011-06-04T00:00:00.005-05:00

Tonight I spent my evening walking around the art district downtown, quietly observing artists and eccentric crowds of people, from all walks of life. I walked into a hybrid between an organic farmer's market and an art gallery. I saw people who cared about both politics and fashion, art and philosophy, and I imagined the lives that each were living. The complexity that exists within one crowd of people on a street corner is mind-blowing--so many different lives, conflicts, and emotions.

I sat outside of a vegan coffeehouse in a retro rockabilly district and spent an hour talking to two of the most eclectic, 75-year-old hippies. We talked about conspiracies, life, and drugs, and they shared their experiences with us. "To be 18," one of them said, "So much life ahead of you. But you don't know s**t." He smiled. When asked for their advice on the secret to life, they answered simply--don't forget the simple things. Learn to fish, to live off of the land. And never forget to read. Step outside of your technology focused society and rediscover the simple joy and intellectual stimulation of reading.

I've been thinking a lot lately about "success" in life--what it truly means to be successful, and to be happy. Sometimes I rediscover the shocking truth within my soul--if I ended up doing nothing more than creating art for insignificant pay and writing down my thoughts, I would be completely happy. I don't need money, or even a good job. If I am able to create, I am alive.

I desire late summer nights discussing the secret to life. I want shocking, brilliant books that make me feel alive. I want beautiful photographs and vivid memories. I want art, endless art, and the passion and lack of structure that comes with it. I want to eat healthy, natural things that are good for my body. I want to cease the consumption of chemicals and toxins. I want to reach a healthy state of both mind and body. I want daily meditation and positive thinking. I want shocking, earth-shattering dreams. I want denim dresses and patterned tights. I want to travel and to rediscover the purpose of my existence. I want trays of burning incense and the haunting, magical melodies of Frank Sinatra and Edith Piaf. I want dark lipstick and herbalism face masks. I want falling asleep while holding hands with my best friend.

I want a life full of everything rich and passionate. I want to discover what it really means to exist.

Maddie.

Sweet Summer.

2011-05-26T23:00:00.000-05:00

One day of school + three final exams stand between several months of sweet, glorious freedom and I. I am filled with excitement and yearning.. Too happy to sleep. After months of academia, I have reached the clearing and I am ready for the joy that these endless months of rejuvenation will bring.

And this year, it is a bit more significant than usual. When I return in the fall, I will be a senior, getting ready to complete my final year of high school and apply for art school. It is bittersweet, to say the least.

Time flies inexplicably fast. I visited two of my favorite teachers today at the middle school I attended four years ago... It was so odd to see them again, and to walk into each of their classrooms and smell the same familiar scent as before. It's as if you think that when you leave, time will stand still. But everyone keeps living and evolving, constantly.

Perhaps I am simply a sentimental person that attaches too much emotional value to the littlest details and fragments of my life. But something about moving forward brings me both sadness and joy. Last night I watched my little brother attend his sixth grade graduation, and as they sang a corny rendition of "Don't Stop Believing," I (embarrassingly) started to tear up. It honestly seems like just yesterday that all of my classmates and I were at our elementary school graduation. You waltz into middle school halls, expecting to stay friends with the same people, but you all become new people. You grow into the adults you will be.

You will see the same kids that you grew up with in the halls ever so often and exchange knowing eye contact and recognition at minimum, or perhaps more, perhaps less. But people grow and change, and time flies by. Now, this time next year, I will be walking across a stage in cap and gown with those same kids. We will be released into the world to do as we always have; to grow, to observe, to create, to learn, and to love.

But for now, I will put my over-analyzations and thoughts to rest + enjoy my summer.

Sweet, sweet summer.

Maddie

Here Comes the Feeling You Thought You'd Forgotten.

2011-05-20T18:00:00.000-05:00

I am surviving these last few school days on a diet of coffee, water, and naps. These are days about late night studying, civil war readings, and math tests, but they are the last to come for weeks and months on end. I am developing a list of things to do this summer that will make it the best of my entire life.

Things are turning out exactly how I'd like them to. I can't help but smile despite all of the hard work, because really, in seven days, it will all be over and down time will stretch on endlessly. These are days about developing film, brand new red shoes, + procrastination.

Let finals week begin.

xo, Maddie.

Fragments of Lately.

2011-05-15T22:00:00.001-05:00

I have reached the end of my academic nightmare and can see the light ahead. Two more weeks of a light workload and then summer's sweet taste will once again fall upon my lips.

Bliss is falling asleep holding hands with your best friend. Developing film on a Friday night and watching movies that shock you back into life. I am finally regathering my mental strength and reaching a point where I crave action and change once again. My slumber has ended and I am full of life.

Tonight I watched An Education and was blown away, to say the least. The struggle between education versus life fulfillment is exactly what I have been struggling with myself over the past few months. I suppose in the end, it is always important to learn and thirst for knowledge and to educate yourself on the world that surrounds you. Yet at the end of the day, what you'll find most valuable is the memories you made along the way and the life experiences that led you to that knowledge.

"These past few months I have eaten in wonderful restaurants and been to jazz clubs and watched wonderful films, heard beautiful music... Maybe all of our lives are going to end up with essays or housework. And yes, maybe we'll go to Oxford, but if we're all going to die the moment we graduate, isn't it what we do before that counts?"

-An Education.

Food for thought.

xoxo, Maddie

March & April in Review.

2011-05-01T18:02:00.007-05:00

I realized a few weeks ago that I had neglected to write up a March in Review post, then woke up this morning to see "May 1st" blinking across the screen of my phone. It is unbelievable how quickly time has passed, yet how slow it feels as it's happening. So without further ado, March and April in review!

Highlights. Triumphing over mountains and mountains of academic stress. Releasing the second issue of Missfits. Beginning work on the next issue. Twenty stars closer to a gold member at Starbucks. Spending the weekend at a local art institute. Getting inducted into National Honors Society. Tackling the ACT and scoring well. Reading more frequently.

Downfalls. Regressing into unhealthy habits. The mountains of academic stress before I conquered them (and they keep coming). Spending my money a little to irresponsibly. Not blogging enough.

Objectives for May: I kept up in my goals of spending less time on the internet, procrastinating less, and reading more often. However, there are a few things I would like to change.

Power through the rest of the school year. Only four more weeks, I got this!
Exercise a minimum of two times per week and stop eating processed food again. I felt so much better when keeping these habits up!
Spend less money during the week (and weekend!) I have decided to stop spending money and going out during the week aside from rare exceptions, and my weekly allowance will be my only source of spending money. This way I can begin saving once again!
Find a job. I have applied at Hobby Lobby and a local coffee shop, fingers crossed!

How have the past few months been for you? xoxo, Maddie

We Own the Sky.

2011-04-24T21:21:00.006-05:00

I've been struggling as of late with the way I perceive things. My optimism has taken a turn for extinction, and I have been nitpicking and complaining endlessly. I have begun to grow restless, but it is no excuse for my attitude. I must seek out the highs and make wise choices. I wish to return to my organized, high quality life-style and begin working towards my goals once again.

I have been focusing on the acute fear that resides within me. I am concerned at how apathetic I have grown, and I worry because I no longer have any idea of what I want to do with my life. A friend of mine sent me a text last night that was all too relevant to my current pessimistic state. She said,

“Sometimes it’s okay to just pack your bags and leave. It’s okay to wake up in the morning, get your coffee to go, and buy a ticket to anywhere. You don’t have to know where you’re going, you just need a way to leave.”

I've decided to make a list. A bucket list, if you will. Books to read, people to kiss, films to watch, cities to sleep in, pitchers of iced tea to sip. The next twenty something days of school will fly by, and I will soon be laying on my back in the grass as if none of this stress had even happened.

Five weeks until freedom. Eleven coffees until gold card status. Four more weekends until summer time. Dozens of books to read. Twelve days until prom. Enough time to find a job before summer. Four months until senior year. Sixteen months until college. Numbers. Endless counting. Notes. Focus. Bliss. Live it.

"Each shade of blue is kept in our eyes. Keep blowing and lightning because we own the sky.

Secrets from the winds, burnt stars crying. Soft soft or cruel, can't we change our minds?

We kill what we build because we own the sky.

Secrets from the winds, burnt stars crying. So many moons here; lost wings floating.

It's coming, it's coming on! It's coming, it's coming on!

What's coming? What's coming now?

What's coming? What's coming now?"

We Own the Sky by M83

xoxo, Maddie

It's Just Textbook Stuff.

2011-04-23T23:00:00.000-05:00

These are the fragments that have made up the past few weeks of my existence. I'm just trying to figure out who I am these days. I crave summer sunsets, prickling grass under bare legs, concerts, tears, and streets of Paris. The person I desire to be--the life I want to lead--does not have a degree. What's a girl to do?

"April, come she will. When streams are ripe and swelled with rain; May, she will stay, resting in my arms again."

xoxo, Maddie

The Sound of Silence.

2011-04-13T21:28:00.003-05:00

Spread the news and participate to take a stand against homophobic bullying, harassment, and violence. The more people that participate, the bigger the impact. For more information, please visit dayofsilence.org, and spread the news by posting this image on your blog, twitter, tumblr, and facebook.

When are you going to stop the silence?

Maddie

P.S. Regularly scheduled posts will return soon, I promise.

Academically Frustrated.

2011-04-04T21:17:00.002-05:00

I really am sorry for my continued neglect of this blog; I care for all of you that read it immensely, and I would love nothing more than to feel so full of happiness and light that I could share every ounce with all of you. But where I am at right now is not a position of bliss. I am frustrated with the confusing equations I see through blurry and frustrated vision. I am angry at all of the hours I spend staring at a chalk board or sitting in an uncomfortable desk. I want bike rides and freckles, sun-kissed skin. Iced mochas and red lips, longer hair and toned legs. I want to devote my time to consuming healthy foods and reading brilliant novels.

I could honestly care less about the "societal prisons for the nonconformists, as depicted through theme," because these seven hours a day are my own personal panopticon. I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't understand.

I'm in love with the wrong world with no direction of where I'd like to go. I'm drowning under this wave of academia and I can't seem to find the leisure any more to come up for air.

xoxo, Maddie.

The Falsity of Human Confidence.

2011-03-30T21:00:00.001-05:00

I am stuck in the middle of an internal tug of war. Do I hate my body, or do I adore?

I'm spending my money on caffeinated drinks in an effort to stay awake.. I can't seem to fight off this eternal exhaustion. Running and clawing towards the end that never seems achievable in a desperate attempt to stay above water. I am stuck in a hypocritical state of mind; a paradox of self esteem. Every time I begin to love myself or feel confident in my skin, the creeping insecurity drives me back to my insane security in the lack thereof. Is it a lie to say I love my body when I am constantly fearful that you won't love it back? Am I a disaster to analyze my flaws and curves with the judgmental eyes of a future lover? I could blame society, I could blame my own need for perfection. I could blame myself for my being overweight, or I could blame the insecurity that force fed it; endless. But where does blame lie, and why, and over what weight? Who is to decide what the standard is for the extra skin that rests on my stomach? I am driven by an ever sensitive need to be pretty. I act angry and attempt to smash patriarchy, sexism, and negative body image through my words, yet my actions fall short.

I am fighting with myself, an internal war. Do I hate, or do I adore?

I am beginning artistic research for a future studio piece on body image as it affects society, and vice versa. I am developing an attraction to images that use people as a subject without putting the focus on the people; they are a prop, an interesting balance of contrast and line. Similar to the way we judge worth on appearance, yet, at the same time, we ignore these personal details.

I'm tired of being in love with a world I can't have. Interpret that how you will, as I can't really pin it down to a singular concept in particular. I have such strong feelings and illusions towards aspects of my life and my subconscious that can never manifest themselves into reality.

I am endlessly tired, yet trying to appear strong. Summer nights are almost here.

I'll be back soon.

Maddie.

Always the Hours.

2011-03-23T21:19:00.005-05:00

"That is what we do. That is what people do. They stay alive for each other."

"To look life in the face, always, to look life in the face and to know it for what it is. At last to know it, to love it for what it is, and then, to put it away. Always the years between us, always the years. Always the love. Always the hours."

"I wanted to write about it all. Everything that happens in a moment! The way the flowers looked when you carried them in your arms; this towel, how it smells, how it feels, its thread; all our feelings, yours and mine; the history of it. Who we once were; everything in the world. Everything all mixed up. Like it's all mixed up now. And I failed. I failed. No matter where you start with it, it ends up being so much less. Sheer pride. And stupidity. We want everything. Don't we?"

Little girl: What happens when we die?

Virginia: What happens? We return to the place we came from.

Little girl: I don't remember where I came from.

Virginia: Nor do I.

-The Hours

Happy Birthday, Courtney.

2011-03-22T06:31:00.002-05:00

Happy birthday to the greatest girl I know. You are the best friend a girl could ever ask for. Happy seventeenth, darling.

xoxo, Maddie

Weekly Musings: Catching Up!

2011-03-14T22:57:00.000-05:00

I have been a really terrible blogger over the past couple of weeks, and I really want to apologize. I promise I have returned, fully energized and ready to dive in once again. I spent the afternoon tweaking the layout of this blog + attempting to create a more fresh, energized look. In the meantime, in my absence I had completely ceased Weekly Musings, and I am finally starting it back up again! The post you're about to divulge is filled with an exciting summary of the last few weeks. (The images you're seeing are a sampling of my work from the pre-college photography lab I attended last weekend at the Kansas City Art Institute! More on that later.)

The release of Missfits. I'm sure you're probably sick of hearing about it, but I was beyond excited for the release of our second issue on March 1st. I feel it is the fruit of our back-breaking labor and lack of sleep, and I love the way it turned out. My favorite part of all of this is the community we are creating; I have received countless emails from amazingly talented young women who like what they're seeing, and I couldn't be more blessed. Thank you.

New friends. Over the past month or so, my group has expanded to include a few new amazing people. I've been spending a lot of time with these cool cats lately, and they are such a refreshing addition to my life. Nothing like mingling with groovy new people!

Kansas City Art Institute's PCAL. (Pre College Art Lab) As you know, I spent the weekend at the local art institute with Courtney, where she studied fashion and I studied photography. I had a really great group of instructors, and I learned so much in only two days. We were challenged to create two to three narrative series that illicit emotion or curiosity from within the viewer, as well as convey a story. The photos within this post are my first series. Interpret them how you choose! We also experienced a nude life drawing class; it was honestly the most helpful three hours of my art career thus far. Our instructor was inexplicably helpful, and I learned so much.

Spring Break, baby! I mentioned before that spring break started last Friday for me. I have watched countless films, (I would highly recommend both Milk and The Hours), eaten delicious food on a picnic, cuddled with cute people, used an entire tank of gas, shopped, consumed ridiculous amounts of trail mix, pie, Chinese food, and iced mochas, and enjoyed my sleep. I have three more days left, too! (Then ten weeks until summer!!)

Honorable mentions. Sharing a pizza and cuddling with fabulous people. Getting my math grade up to a B-. Tweaking my blog layout. Organizing my room for spring. Getting called beautiful and being told that I have "adorable facial structure." Sharing pie with an excellent young lady. Finding new settings on my camera. Learning more and more about dorky photography things like depth of field and the rule of three's. Cute museum security guards. Art class field trips.

xoxo, Maddie

There's Beauty in the Breakdown.

2011-03-10T16:16:00.000-06:00

After a stressful couple of weeks, I have finally reached peace. It is now officially spring break, and I am beyond relieved. This morning I took an essay exam in history class, gave an oral presentation in English, and finished a painting for a deadline in art class. I feel accomplished and organized. Tonight I am going to sip warm coffee and laugh with some of my very favorite people.

I am hoping that spring break will give me time to regroup and clear my head so I am able to focus more on my goals and resolutions. Tomorrow and Sunday I will be living on campus at a local art institute for a pre-college photography lab, which I am ridiculously excited about. The lovely Courtney will be rooming with me while she studies fashion. I am looking forward to organizing my room and my life, working on the next issue of Missfits, painting, snapping photographs, and enjoying life in peaceful bliss.

Enjoy your weekend, everyone. I will return to regularly scheduled posting this week.

xoxo, Maddie

Missfits Issue 2 Now Available in Print!

2011-03-07T23:07:00.000-06:00

Missfits Magazine Issue 2:

Spring 2011

By Maddie Maschger in Fashion & Style

The Art Issue. Featuring an interview with the infamous Guerrilla Girls, the amazingly talented Gemma Correll, Kansas City based artist Lisa Lala, and more. We are the alternative; We are a feminist fashion magazine that focuses not only on haute couture, but empowerment. We are an open collaboration of young women. We are the nonconformists. We are Missfits.

Issue 2 of Missfits Magazine is now available for purchase in print! Each issue costs $14. Unfortunately, it is a bit pricier than our last issue, as it has double the content and therefore cost more to publish. However, I can guarantee that you won't be disappointed.

Thank you for your support, as always!

Maddie

February in Review.

2011-03-07T18:30:00.000-06:00

image from weheartit

February. Fevrier. Februar.

To be perfectly honest with everyone, this month brought a lot of disappointment, stress, and steps backwards. I look forward to March with hopeful initiative, but February was one of those months that I am simply happy to put behind me.

Highlights. I finished the second issue of Missfits, though it wasn't released until March 1st. I've also kept strong to most of my monthly objectives, with the exception of not eating processed foods. I threw paint at my friends in a field and snapped photographs, skipped Courtwarming for roller derby, held an Anti Valentines Day party, was accepted into National Honors Society and Girls State, and drank coffee as usual with people I love and admire.

Downfalls. I was broke for most of the month due to my lack of real job outside photography (shoots are a bit slow in the winter) so I had to borrow money from friends most of the times we went out. I also consumed a lot of processed food amidst my extremely hectic school stress and personal regression.

Objectives for March. I am beyond excited for March and am hoping to hop back onto the bandwagon as far as health and wellness are concerned! I want to spend a lot of time doing research on the law of attraction and the power of positive thinking, and more time working out.

Read more often. This was one of my goals for February that unfortunately got pushed aside because of school work. I really want to make it a priority in March.
Keep up my routine of avoiding fast food and processed food, and drink water more regularly like in January.
Create an envelope system of spending to avoid wasting money. I am going to set aside $20 in a jar each time I am paid to do a photo shoot; this money will become my winter fund for when I am broke--an emergency stash, if you will. I am then going to separate the remaining money into envelopes for each month--one for gasoline, and whatever else is left into spending money. That way, I can use the spending money without guilt, knowing I am fully prepared to pay for the things I have to pay for.
I actually want to incorporate fitness into my daily life. I've been slacking a lot, which is super lame.
Spend less time on the internet and more time enjoying life.

I really want to create a habitual schedule for myself of coming home and immediately completing homework, then reading for an hour, then a work out of some kind, followed by free time for the rest of the evening.

What are your objectives for March, and how was your February?

xoxo, Maddie

I'll Be Back.

2011-03-05T10:53:00.001-06:00

I just wanted everyone to know that I will return to scheduled posting very soon. I have had an incredibly stressful week, what with school work and the release of Missfits, but things are clearing up! I am taking the weekend off to clear my head and relax, but I will write a February in Review post and have it up by Monday. Thank you for your patience in all of this.

xoxo, Maddie

In the mean time, you can go 'like' Missfits on Facebook to receive updates and chat with fellow readers! Spread the word!

Missfits Magazine: Issue 2!

2011-03-01T07:54:00.000-06:00

Introducing our second issue of Missfits! We are so thrilled to release our second issue, after hours of work (glitter, sweat, and tears) and tons of amazing submissions. This issue features the famous activists Guerilla Girls, the incredibly talented Gemma Correll, Kansas City based artist Lisa Lala, the riot grrrl inspiration of Rebecca Artemisa, and so many more.

xoxo, Maddie

Resolution Progress: 2011

2011-02-23T21:07:00.000-06:00

February has been determined as the month of giving up; it is the month during which most people throw their hands up and admit defeat--giving up on their resolutions before the year has even started. It is for this reason, along with Valentine's Day, that Gala Darling deemed February Radical Self-Love Month. I thought a personal analyzation of priorities and progress would be wise.

I wanted to read more.

Steps I Have Taken: I've purchased a good majority of the books I hope to read. I have also done a lot of research and developed a lengthy to-read list.

Steps I Need to Take: Pretty self-explanatory; make time to read, and actually do it.

I wanted to focus on school more.

Steps I Have Taken: I have paid much more attention in math and it looks like--if I keep heading in this direction--I will earn all A's (with the exception of math, most likely) this semester. I have also enrolled in online and summer courses so I can create a schedule that I will enjoy for my senior year next year.

Steps I Need to Take: I need to procrastinate a bit less and work ahead so I experience less stress.

I wanted to stop drinking soda.

I have completely given up soda and haven't had a drop to drink in 2011. Wahoo!

I wanted to get to the point where I am comfortable in my own skin + love myself.

Steps I Have Taken: I have done a lot of positive things, i.e. my cleanse, taking care of my body, and focusing on my interests and academics over romance.

Steps I Need to Take: I need to get back on track in regards to health and wellness. It isn't that I'm eating unhealthily--I'm just intaking more dairy + processed foods than I would like to. I would also like to severely cut back in my coffee intake.

I wanted to blog more often.

Successful so far!

As far as goals for February, I have succeeded in avoiding fast food completely. I still need to work out more often, cut back my Starbucks intake by quite a bit, + find a job. But I realize and accept that change is a process, and I am giving myself the time that I need to adjust.

How are your goals coming along?

xoxo, Maddie

Paint.

2011-02-19T16:08:00.000-06:00

It feels like spring. The first rain of the season has begun pouring outside, thunder and lightning. Mud puddles. Driving with the windows down. Heart-shaped, Lolita sunglasses. Bottles of paint. Gas station sinks covered with rainbow splatters as we scrub our hair clean. Car washes. Summer dresses. We're jumping to conclusions and clinging on to the sunlight. Frappucinos replace our steaming mochas. Run fast.

xoxo, Maddie

P.S. I apologize for my lack of blogging; I have been really stressed out lately, but things are looking up!

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-14T16:23:00.000-06:00

I would be lying if I told you that today has been all heart-shaped chocolates and a bundle of roses; it has actually been a terrible day for many reasons, none of which, surprisingly, include being single on Valentine's Day. But all is well, as tonight I will spend my evening at Courtney & I's Anti-Valentine's Day party with all of my favorite people!

The photo above is a studio piece that I worked on over the weekend. The prompt was a "six word memoir," which is pretty self explanatory. The memoir I created was "she felt deeply and took photographs," so I created this! I sculpted the heart from a multitude of found objects, and it is nestled into the jar with a lot of film negatives. I really love the way it turned out.

Despite my rough patch of a day, I wish you all the best Valentine's day. I hope it is wonderful for each and every one of you, single or happily entwined!

xoxo, Maddie

25 Things to Do Before Declaring Boredom!

2011-02-12T22:35:00.000-06:00

Along with winter restlessness has come the age old complaint; the plague that hits us each, leaving us with a feeling of laziness and a restless sense of unfulfilled ambition--boredom. I have read my fair share of inspiration books, artist manifestos, & blog posts to understand one simple concept--boredom is entirely mental. In fact, should you choose not to believe it, boredom does not even exist!

Boredom. An emotional state experienced during periods lacking activity, or when individuals are uninterested in the opportunities surrounding them.

I myself am quite guilty of making such assumptions. Dog days spent at home or trapped inside are usually the most creatively draining times for me; I label my restlessness as boredom + spend the afternoon curled up in front of my laptop in defeat, without even trying!

I challenge you to make an effort to avoid the hovering temptation of declaring yourself as "bored"! Take conscious and thrilling steps to begin enjoying your life + filling each moment with juicy suspense and adventure.

Create an elaborate “to read” and “to watch” list. Ask your role models, best friends, and strangers on the street which books and films they can’t live without. Assemble a ridiculously lengthy list and post it aside your inspiration board, or within your sketchbook. Next time you find yourself spending a Friday night in, order a movie or curl up with that novel!
Teach yourself a new skill. Drag out the old guitar that you always wanted to learn to play + watch youtube editorials. Download instructions for creating origami or learning to knit!
Paint. It is incredibly therapeutic.
Create a wish tree. Write your deepest and most sincere secrets, desires, wishes, and goals on tiny slips of paper, and tie each to the tiny branches of a tree or branch with fabulous ribbon.
Rent boxed sets of your favorite television show. Endless entertainment.
Go antique shopping.
Research new recipes and cook up something radically delicious!
Work ahead on your schoolwork. I know, I know, but really! It will free up more time within your week.
Search for new music to listen to! Amazon.com usually makes pretty accurate suggestions based on what you’ve previously viewed, and you can make a Pandora Radio account + listen to new music without any effort.
Create a scrumptious package for one of your long-distance buddies, or snail mail your best friend a hand-painted post card.
Paint your toenails or give yourself an intricate, classy Sharpie tattoo.
Read up on your daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly horoscopes! Do some research on your star sign. Believe in it all or not, it’s an incredibly interesting topic.
Bake a cake.
Challenge yourself to picking out five new outfits from your closet that you’ve never worn before.
Invest in some excellent incense.
Watch slam poetry on youtube.
Read some of your old fashion magazines from years (or even months) ago. It’s so interesting to see how fashion evolves, and you may find hidden inspiration through old issues.
Write yourself a boredom manifesto.
Create a mix CD for someone you care about or admire.
Make yourself a smoothie and some fabulous trail mix.
Hot glue jewels onto your library card.
Play dress up within your closet!
Write yourself an unbelievably lengthy and detailed love letter.
Have a photoshoot with yourself + laugh at your own ridiculous expressions!
Redecorate your inspiration board so the images are in touch with your current inspirations + goals!

xoxo, Maddie

Weekly Musings: Roller Derby + Enrollment!

2011-02-10T18:00:00.000-06:00

Skipping our winter formal for roller derby. Last Saturday was our school's winter formal dance, and Courtney and I chose to skip it for roller derby! We spent the evening cheering on the Black Eyed Susan's + Victory Vixens, then came home and acted like total dorks + recording videos of us singing into my webcam. We keep it classy, ladies.

Enrollment for senior year. Holy cow, the last three years have flown by so quickly. I just filled out my enrollment form for classes next year, and I am bursting with excitement. If everything goes correctly, I should have a schedule of College Credit English, College Algebra, International Baccalaureate (IB) Art II, Pottery I & II, Painting III, Drawing III, Graphic Design I & II, and a teacher's assistant hour for one of my favorite teachers! I am completely and utterly ecstatic!

Interview with Guerilla Girls! Today Courtney and I held an interview with infamous feminist art activists Guerilla Girls! You should definitely do some research on them if you haven't heard of them before--they are amazing. The interview will be published in the upcoming spring issue of Missfits, which will be released on March 1st. Get excited!

Honorable mentions. Getting my acceptance letter into National Honors Society! Pasta study parties with my fantastic friends. Another snow day. Drinking my first chocolate + caffeinated beverage in over a month. (We all need to splurge sometime!) Watching boxed sets of Ellen (her 90's sitcom) on days off. Joining the Radical Self Love group on facebook. & more!

How was your week?

xoxo, Maddie

Ennui.

2011-02-08T21:13:00.000-06:00

Ennui. Boredom; listlessness and dissatisfaction resulting from lack of interest and motivation, resulting in lack of effort.

I just wanted to be honest with everyone about why I've been posting less and less. While I am still excited for February and the opportunities it will continue to bring, I have hit a bit of a rough patch as of lately. To be completely honest, I think it could have something to do with introducing toxins back into my diet all too quickly; I should have eased back in by not eating meat or dairy at all (though I have been cutting back significantly). This week is one of the first full weeks of school we have had for quite some time because of snow, and I am exhausted. I keep falling asleep and taking naps after school that last a few hours, and I am stressed nearly to breaking point. Thursday morning, I have a really lengthy + tenuous essay test over the Mexican revolution, in which we pick 6 out of 8 questions to study and outline in bulk, and the morning of the test, they will draw three of them, and we will pick one to write on. I know barely anything about the unit, and it has been really difficult to soak up the lectures + information because of the week-long breaks of terrible weather in between and the absence of my teacher due to illness. So, if you could, wish me luck.

I am in no means trying to create a self pity post, I just wanted to make everyone aware of why my posting frequency has decreased significantly. Everything should be back to normal by this weekend, if everything goes well. I've also decided to make some changes to my lifestyle to incorporate more inspiration + energy. I am going to be picking up EFT, practicing Radical Self Love, re-reading The Secret, creating daily affirmations, drinking more water and eating more naturally (though I have been, I've still been taking in a lot of toxins through processed crackers, etc versus organic options), + increasing my amount of weekly exercise. I am easing into these things at a comfortable pace because of everything that has been going on.

Thank you for your support, as always.

xoxo, Maddie

That Girl.

2011-02-06T15:18:00.000-06:00

That girl, she is the queen of the neighborhood... That girl, she holds her head up so high, I think I wanna be her best friend. Rebel girl, you are the queen of my world. I think I wanna take you home, I wanna try on your clothes. When she talks, I hear the revolution. In her hips, there's revolution. When she walks, the revolution's coming. In her kiss, I taste the revolution. Bikini Kill.

She pops her gum a bit too loud + haphazardly paints her fingernails with acrylic. She goes apartment hunting in a mustard yellow fedora + houndstooth trench-coat. Bluegrass and pop blast through her headphones as she delicately applies her fake eyelashes at 5:30 AM. Her grocery list includes sparklers, yellow balloons and vanilla icing, and it's just a regular Tuesday afternoon. She watches CNN with disdain and interest, then hours on end of Ally McBeal. She styles her hair in a beehive to go to her Thursday morning figure-drawing class. She roller skates twice a week after classes just because she can. She is exquisite.

xoxo, Maddie

Weekly Musings: Zines + Nutrition!

2011-02-03T18:00:00.000-06:00

This week was filled with even more snow, a surprising amount of creativity, and a huge change in regards to my cleanse!

Snow days. To give you an accurate perspective of how fantastic my week has been, I spent the majority of yesterday in a blanket fort, sipping on a banana smoothie and watching Juno. Golden.

Getting packages in the mail! Emily, a good friend of mine that I met through blogging a few years ago, sent me a surprise package including some of her favorite zines from high school + some stickers! I jumped up and down with excitement like a total dork.

Creating my own zine! I was so inspired by Emily's package that I decided to create my own, which you can see peeking out towards the right side in the photo above. I slept over at Courtney's last night + we spent our evening and morning carefully creating our own publication. We decided to call it That Teenage Feeling, and it will be available in my etsy shop as soon as we finish!

Re-Opening my etsy shop! I probably should have explained the significance behind the name Imagine Pirineos; in junior high, my friend and I created a journal about an imaginary place, and all of our friends wrote inspiring things in it--anything that represented their escape from reality. When trying to figure out a name, we saw a map of Spain in foreign language class with a place labeled "Pirineos." I created my etsy shop later that year and assumed it would be the perfect name! It seems silly now, since it has little to no relevance anymore, but that's the origin. Anyway, it was really exciting to re-open, thank you to those of you that showed interest!

Creating posters for Missfits. I decided to create some posters to gain contributors! I printed out 25 or so yesterday + plan to paste them around school and in the women's studies section of Borders. If any of you are interested in helping to spread the word in your city, I would be happy to email you the document! It would be greatly appreciated! You can email me here.

Coming to a decision about my cleanse. To those of you who follow me on twitter, you know I've been struggling with my cleanse. To be perfectly honest, I haven't been completely truthful with all of you about my health along the way--I've gained a lot of energy and benefits from my cleanse, such as weight loss + improved skin quality, but it has also taken a toll on me physically. I have had some trouble staying awake in the day + waking up in the morning, and I've experienced a lot of symptoms that an anemic friend of mine thinks could be early signs of anemia if not fixed immediately. (This, of course, was completely my own fault, because I slacked in taking my dietary supplements.) The cleanse was a complete success, but on Tuesday, which was exactly halfway point, I began to notice that it was leading to an almost unhealthy view of food. I had been eating less and less each day + almost avoiding food, noticing how easily I could control calorie intake. This, among the other symptoms, as well as further research that led me to discover that most doctors recommend two weeks at most made me reach the decision that I would slowly incorporate regular foods back into my diet. I do not consider this a failure, as I feel I reached all of the goals that I originally set for myself. The night before I began, I wrote an entry in my food journal about what I was trying to accomplish, + upon analyzing each goal, I really feel like I achieved each one with flying colors. To continue on would have led to health problems, possible bingeing, + an unhealthy view of eating. So, at this point, I am ready to return to normal, and I consider my journey a success. I've learned a lot, and I am still totally excited to be eating healthier and natural foods.

Honorable mentions. Getting selected for National Honors Society at school. Having little to no homework (we only went to school on Monday!). Choosing to ditch the school dance this Saturday night to go watch Roller Derby instead. Watching fabulous movies. Drinking banana shakes. Cooking + grocery shopping for yummy, healthy food. Getting emails from blog readers. Laughter with people I love.

How was your week?

xoxo, Maddie

Introducing My Etsy!

2011-02-02T16:00:00.000-06:00

Etsy
imaginepirineos

Hello, everyone! As I mentioned in my last post, I've been a bit short on cash as of lately, so I decided to sell some of my old dresses, antiques, and jewelry! I'll be updating it a lot within the next month to include handmade brooches, zines of my writing, + more, but I spent this morning filling it with goodies! Check it out, if you'd like.

Thank you!

xoxo, Maddie

Surviving a Snowpocalypse!

2011-02-02T00:00:00.000-06:00

I woke up this morning to snow outside my window, as far as the eye could see. Throughout the day, heavy winds pounded even more frail snowflakes against my windowpane, gradually piling up to what I can only guess is at least a foot, and showing no signs of stopping. Needless to say, I have no school today or tomorrow, (where I live, weather this extreme is uncommon, + this is the biggest winter storm here in twenty years!), and I am bored out of my mind. Mindlessly droning about on the internet left much to be desired, and I want to guarantee myself adventure within the next few days. This is my to-do list, or, in other words, How to Survive the Snowpocalypse!

Construct yourself a blanket fort of epic proportions. I'm doing this as soon as I hop out of bed tomorrow!
Create an emergency supply kit of fun. Or, in other words, grab a box and toss in your favorite books, craft supplies, journals, pens + pencils, zines, a kettle of tea, + scrumptious snacks.
Make yourself a banana shake! Mmmm. (Toss in two bananas, some soy milk, & ice into the blender!)
Create an inspiration board for 2011.
Write letters to your loved ones. Get a head start on valentines!
Go internet free for the entire day. Do it. I dare you.
Pop in one of your favorite CD's, play dress up, and dance to your heart's content.
Write yourself a fight boredom manifesto, or read Amber's.
Find some old antique frames and fill them with your favorite snapshots, drawings, love letters, magazine advertisements, or recipes. Paint them funky colors!
Write poetry on an old typewriter.
Wear fabulous hats, or adorn your plain ones with jewels + sequins!

Also, I have a quick question! In regards to income, my photography career is really slow right now because of the winter weather, and I am a bit low on cash. And, by low on cash, I mean flat broke. If I were to re-open my etsy shop + stock it full of vintage dresses, poetry zines, handmade brooches, & prints of my photography, would you be interested? Please comment + let me know! I apologize for the blatant commercialism here, I just want to know if it would be worth my time.

Enjoy your snowpocalypse.

xoxo, Maddie

I Am.

2011-02-01T11:00:00.000-06:00

I am insecure. I am confident. I am uncertain and unprepared. I am excited for the future. Sometimes, I am too loud and I speak out of turn. I get easily agitated, and my desire to be right leads to a lot of pointless bickering. I seem to have an inability to let things go, and for that I am sorry. I am opinionated and politically passionate. Sometimes, I am too argumentative. I will sometimes offend you. People will tell lies about me, and make assumptions. Sometimes, I will be judged on not the content of my character but on things I lack control over. I am not perfect.

I am an artist. I see the world in splashes of color; as photographs through a scratch-covered lens. I feel too deeply and love too strongly. I attach myself to emotions, memories, and people almost immediately. Latching on and craving deep, meaningful connection. I am easily hurt. Lack of control horrifies me.

I probably talk about feminism too much. I am infatuated with certain subjects, and I develop obsessions with the things that inspire me. I spend all of my money on white chocolate mochas and books. I want to work at an antique store. I fall in love with people I barely know who can never love me back. I drive a white car. I don't like soup. Most of the time, I wear brown moccasins with black leggings. One of my best friends lives 2,000 miles away. I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I am the editor of a feminist fashion magazine. I've written my deepest emotions all over this blog for two and a half years. I make you mad too often. I care too much about what others think of me. I depend too much on the opinions of others.

And yet, I am.

I say these things as a reclamation. I am trying to become the best I can be. I am running towards the balance between fitting in and standing out. I am struggling to find myself. And yet, none of my faults, none of my positive traits decide my identity. I don't know who I am, or what that even means.

I simply am.

January in Review

2011-01-31T21:00:00.000-06:00

January. Janvier. Januar.

I cannot believe how quickly this month has flown by--we are 31 days deep into 2011, and I couldn't be happier. I am energized and full of positivity for this year, and the swift arrival of February only boosts that enthusiasm! (Especially because February is Radical Self Love month!)

Highlights. I've kept a lot of my resolutions, created some fond memories, and proved to myself that I have the ability to do anything I set my mind to. (I never dreamed I'd get this far into a cleanse without signs of stopping, and I've done a lot of things this month that have pushed my personal limits.)

Downfalls. I spent way too much money on frivolous things such as coffee and disposable cameras, which is something I'd like to improve. I also spent a lot of downtime on the internet instead of doing something creative and intellectually stimulating. For instance, reading or painting.

Objectives for February. I have a few things I'd like to work on, and a few things I'd like to continue doing as well.

Read more often. I am currently composing a huge list of books I'd like to complete throughout 2011 that I'll be sharing soon, and I really want to stress daily reading in February.
No fast food at all. This is actually a decision I've come to recently--since I've started my cleanse + stopped drinking soda, I've developed a taste for healthier foods and a knack for cooking. I want to start cooking more of my own nutritious meals versus ordering them covered in grease and salt. Even stepping foot in a fast food restaurant creates temptation and leaves little-to-no healthy options. Should my family choose to grab something fast when we're in a pinch, I'm going to prepare ahead and make myself a chicken wrap or a salad + some ice water.
Limit my Starbucks purchases to $20 for the entire month. This will buy me 4-5 grande coffees or fruit smoothies. The purpose of this is simple--I want to limit my caffeine intake and spend less money. (I spent an embarrassing sixty dollars on coffee last month alone; unacceptable!)
Work out more often. Cliche, but I really want to make it a priority.
Find a job. Photography is expectedly slow in the winter, and I really need to earn some gas + spending money during my downtime. I'm looking into applying at the local library.
Make more time for art. Though I'm getting ridiculous amounts of art at school, I want to work on my pieces nightly. I'm currently doing a tattoo style pen-and-ink drawing on a cardboard canvas. So psyched.
Celebrate radical self love.

Wahoo! January was such a fantastic month, and I can't wait to experience whatever February has in store for me!

How was your month?!

xoxo, Maddie

Disposable.

2011-01-29T14:22:00.001-06:00

The last month or so has been filled with blooming tea, lily scented incense, mix cd's, Audrey Hepburn calendars, and hours and hours of art class. Leopard print shoes, cozy scarves, hand holding, movie watching, grocery shopping for fruits and vegetables, and cuddling. Dashing out of school to shop for ripped vintage dresses. Smiling at gradual weight loss. Getting excited about short brown hair slowly becoming long brown hair.

"I've got a family, + I drink cups of tea. I’ve got nostalgic pavements, I’ve got familiar faces. I’ve got a mixed-up memory, & I’ve got favourite places." Kate Nash.

I'm starting to pretend that spring is here. Excitement for February fills me with anticipation. I apply rose pink lipstick and light candles that smell like fresh flowers. Close my blinds and try to hear the birds chirping. Things are changing now more than ever, and it excites me beyond all measure. I go over the letters on my history binder in black sharpie; "Herstory." That teenage feeling.

xoxo, Maddie

Weekly Musings: Art + Incense!

2011-01-27T17:49:00.000-06:00

This has been a pretty difficult week, seeing as it's our first five day week back to school since all of the snow days, but it has definitely had its highlights!

Spending my weekend reading Anais Nin + burning incense. Enough said. I am absolutely obsessed with incense at the moment. Addicted, if you will. I am all stocked up on lily scented incense, which supposedly brings relaxation, creativity, and new energy!

The return of NBC Thursdays. This actually technically happened last Thursday, but it happened after posting last week's Weekly Musings, so I'm making an exception. NBC tends to take ridiculously long breaks from evening programming at the drop of the hat, (Really? You need a week long break for Valentine's day?), but it finally returned last Thursday for the first time since before Christmas, and I was so stoked to see my favorite characters back on television! If you're wondering--I watch The Office, 30 Rock, + Parks and Recreation.

Four straight hours of art. Every other day, I get to enjoy four straight hours of art classes. I've been skipping lunch to spend even more time in the studio working on my investigation workbook (who is hungry at 10:30 AM?!) and even on the other days, I have at least two hours of art. I love it so much!

Completing the first 1/3 of my cleanse! I am now officially on Day 10, and I haven't broken yet! Only twenty more days. I've lost a bit of weight, my skin is getting clearer, + I generally have more energy! Unfortunately, however, because of lack of protein + iron, I have a lot of trouble staying up past 8:30 pm (which is incredibly inconvenient when handed massive amounts of homework).

Other highlights: Strawberry smoothies + tasty oranges, successfully keeping a food diary, coffee dates with cool people, watching my hair get longer and longer, (!!!), lining up articles + photographers for the spring issue of Missfits, having little to no homework for the weekend, painting during lunch, finding new music, joining pinterest, (I am addicted), + working ahead instead of procrastinating!

xoxo, Maddie

How to Survive "Blue Monday!"

2011-01-24T16:58:00.000-06:00

According to numerous news reports, blog posts, psychologists, and facebook statuses, today is supposedly the "most depressing day of the year." Usually falling on the third Monday of the new year, experts claim that "blue Monday," as it was so cleverly coined, tends to be the saddest day of all three hundred and sixty five. The combination of poor weather, failed resolutions, lack of motivation, + drowsy attitude supposedly ignites on this ordinary Monday to create a bad day of catastrophic proportions. My personal opinion? I don't buy it one bit!

Being a firm believer in the law of attraction and the power of positive thinking, I think your happiness comes from yourself + your choices, and that no matter the circumstances, you make a daily choice to be happy. I choose to make today a spectacular one, and there are a few simple tricks you can try to do the same for yourself!

Come at it from a new angle. A lot of times, the monotony of a resolution, goal, or life change can become overwhelming, + many end up straying from their healthy habits out of pure boredom. If you're trying to work out more often, change up your environment! Something as simple as switching your playlist or atmosphere can completely alter your attitude. Personally, I was growing restless with the foods I was eating over and over for my cleanse, so I did some research and went to the organic section of my grocery store to find some new options. Now I'm as excited as ever!
Listen to upbeat, makes-you-wanna-dance, crazy music. Even if you're a pretentious music snob, you can't help but tap your feet to the likes of Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Lady Gaga, etc. Hipsters, if this is a little too mainstream for you, I suggest Lykke Li, MGMT, Vampire Weekend, and Passion Pit.
Make yourself a fruit smoothie with soy milk. Enough said.
Curl up with a good book. Yesterday I spent the majority of my afternoon reading The Diary of Anais Nin while drinking leftover blooming tea + burning lily scented incense (which supposedly brings new energy, creativity, + rest!)
Smile. In Ally McBeal, one of the characters mentions that he's been attending "smile therapy," or a lesson in learning to smile in situations that make him feel particularly upset. The brain interprets this as a feeling of content + releases endorphins, or something of that sort. It's bound to cheer you up!
Exercise! Go, go, go!
Don't procrastinate. You'll feel so much more care-free when you don't have the stress of frantically finishing something before the deadline. I had a five page paper due today, yet I completed it over a week ago because I decided to work ahead. Because of that organization, I spent my Sunday evening relaxing while reading + watching movies, while my peers scurried about trying to fill the page requirement. It's worth it.

I hope I could be of help! Remember that a date on the calendar, pre-decided by a group of psychologists staring at statistics, does not mandate your happiness. Make the choice to make today a great day, because you can, and because you are alive.
xoxo, Maddie

Broken Doll.

2011-01-23T13:17:00.000-06:00

I'm a broken doll, and you're the puppeteer. Take control for me and wipe away my fears. I don't claim to be perfect, I know I'm damaged goods. But I want to be led out of darkness, just like every lady would. Lick my wounds and watch them seal with a healing heart. Embrace my sadness, look after me, cause there's no one else I'd ask.

I'm a broken doll, and you're the puppeteer. Take control for me and wipe away my fears. Piece me all together, though broken I am sweet. You thought my heart was made of wood, but I can hear it beat.

I'm scared of shadows in the night when you're not there by my side. Sick of nightmares in my sleep, when there's no place I can hide. See the beauty in the blood that drips down from my eyes. Hold the parts that were ripped out that took me by surprise.

Broken Doll - Paloma Faith.

Self Portraits for a studio piece.

xoxo, Maddie

Blooming Tea.

2011-01-22T13:51:00.000-06:00

We spend our Friday nights eloquently sipping blooming tea out of cherry-adorned tea cups, watching the flowers bloom instantly and discussing how the flavor resembles that of "the color blue." We discuss the Universe and waste disposable cameras on nothing but sloppy shots of Audrey Hepburn calendars and you in your hoodie.

We decide that our leggings and t-shirts are too sloppy for tea parties, so we dash upstairs and change into high heels, tights, and Edie Sedgwick esque dresses. We don't spend our weekends getting trashed and sleeping around, and I wouldn't trade this child-like bliss for anything.

xoxo, Maddie

Weekly Musings: Blue Wigs + Lack of School!

2011-01-20T12:30:00.000-06:00

This has been the first successful week of my vegan detox, and I'm loving it! I started Tuesday as we had no school Monday, and I wanted to start when school started back up again. (Though that didn't do much good, as Tuesday ended up being a snow day, as did today + probably tomorrow!) The first day was surprisingly easy--I was able to think outside the box in terms of meals + really enjoyed the new mix up. Yesterday, however, was really difficult. I was full of energy until about three o'clock, when I was just exhausted and terribly grumpy. I'm not sure if that had anything to do with the cleanse, (I doubt it, this early into it), but nonetheless, I am determined to make today a better day!

As far as the success of my week goes, here are the highlights!

School? Is that a thing? I honestly feel so out of sorts, but I am loving it--We went to school only once this week and once last week because of inclement weather. Yes, that means getting back into a regular schedule is going to be even more difficult, and I am sure I'll be regretting this ecstatic attitude when June rolls around + I'm still in school, but right now? I am soaking up the snow days without a drop of guilt.
Productivity + Self Discipline! I'm honestly not the most self disciplined person in the world. I tend to set goals and complete them halfway or 3/4 of the way through, then quit. Never big goals, but little things like cleaning my room, doing a cleanse, etc. I also procrastinate to an unhealthy degree. Yet these first few weeks of 2011 have been the most productive of my life thus far, no exaggeration. I've reorganized my room + music library, ceased my spending habits, and stopped drinking soda. I'm also doing well on my cleanse, and over the weekend I finished a research paper for school a week in advance and made it three pages longer than it needed to be. Wahoo!
Finding blue wigs + new dresses at Goodwill! I posted pictures of the photo shoot I did on Friday with Miss Courtney + the blue wig we found! We had gone up to pay for our new dresses when we saw it laying discarded on a rack of old tapes and snatched it up immediately! We had to cut 7+ inches off to get it to that mod bob length, but I love it so much. The photo above is her wearing it--don't worry, she still has her signature Shirley Temple curls.
Starbucks baristas who buy your coffee for you and know your name. Enough said, really! (Pre-cleanse coffee, mind you!)
Ally McBeal. Getting annoyed yet? I can't. stop. watching.

That's all for now!

xoxo, Maddie

Your Weekly Dose of Girl Power.

2011-01-19T20:00:00.000-06:00

‎"Proponents of third-wave feminism claim that it allows women to define feminism for themselves by incorporating their own identities into the belief system of what feminism is and what it can become through one's own perspective. In their introduction to the idea of the third-wave feminism in Manifesta, authors Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards suggest that feminism can change with every generation and individual:

'The fact that feminism is no longer limited to the arenas where we expect to see it--NOW, Ms., women's studies, and redsuited Congresswomen--perhaps means that young women today have really reaped what feminism has sown... We're not doing feminism the same way that the seventies feminists did it; being liberated doesn't mean copying what came before but finding one's own way--a way that is genuine to one's own generation.'"

From Wikipedia.

xoxo, Maddie

Missfits Magazine: Ask Rosie!

2011-01-18T23:00:00.000-06:00

As you may have read in the premiere issue of Courtney + I's feminist fashion magazine, Missfits, we have created an advice column entitled "Ask Rosie." We're currently piecing together the spring issue, & so far no one has asked for any advice or direction whatsoever! If you have any questions that you would like Rosie to answer, (& I can assure you that she is neither Courtney nor I), please email us. Your name + email will not be published in the column; it is one hundred percent anonymous, so ask away!

If you want to read the issue, you may do so here, or read the column introduction below.

xoxo, Maddie.

Salutations! My name is Rosie. I’m a girl with a passion for listening and providing advice and support for those that need it. As a recovered anorexic, I too know what it’s like to suffer and hurt. But through my treatment, I have been reborn. I feel alive again, and I have experienced what it’s like to live again. And trust me, it’s the most beautiful thing anyone could ask for. So, I encourage you to confide in me and share any problems, drama, or secrets that you would like my help with. I understand how it’s difficult to go and talk to those you know and that’s why I’m here: to help and provide an alternative to those troubled souls who don’t know who to go to. You can talk about anything, whether it pertain to your life, a friend, family, school, etc. I want you to know what it’s like to experience the freedom of that untold, hidden pain. Don’t be shy, your secrets are safe with me.

Love,

Rosie

To submit questions that will be published anonymously, email missfitsmag@hotmail.com, subject: Ask Rosie!

Mixtape of the Month: January

2011-01-18T09:00:00.000-06:00

I've decided to start Mixtape of the Month back up again! I hope you enjoy.

Jolene by Dolly Parton
Brand New Key by Melanie Safka
I Stand Corrected by Vampire Weekend
Lollipop by The Chordettes
Let Me Kiss You Now by Plushgun
That Teenage Feeling by Neko Case
Come On Youth by Slow Club
The Bleeding Heart Show by The New Pornographers
New Romantic by Laura Marling
Between Two Lungs by Florence + the Machine

xoxo, Maddie

Cleanse.

2011-01-17T02:00:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow marks the first day of my thirty day vegetarian cleanse. I will be eating only fruits + vegetables with a rare exception for whole grains, as well as drinking tons of water. I'll also be taking fish oil, protein supplements, calcium tablets, + other essential vitamins since the process will last a little under a month. I will also be actively keeping a daily food journal + incorporating a strong workout schedule into my daily life.

I feel a bit guilty because I feel like my blog has been a bit over the top in regards to health + organization as of lately--it's definitely not meant to be a health and wellness blog. I hope to be a source of inspiration, yet at the same time to use my blog as a personal recording of my art and my life, & whatever shenanigans come along with it. It just so happens that at this point in time, this includes getting myself to a healthier state.

I've actually always wanted to do a cleanse + have always either failed at doing so or have been unable to find a good program, but I decided to simply try it on my own, with my own rules. I felt like this would be the best time to start since my diet lately has consisted of mostly fruits + vegetables anyway, on my own choice, so it wouldn't be too far of a stretch. I'm sharing it with all of you in hopes of gaining a support system so I am more likely to last until the end. I'll probably update you about my progress with Weekly Musings or something of the sort! Also, I just discovered that Gala Darling is participating in a similar, organized cleanse on her own at the same time out of sheer coincidence. I strongly suggest reading her post on the 21 day program she's doing!

If you're interested in doing a cleanse of your own, you can read up on some interesting articles here, here, here, here, and here. Honestly, you'll find a lot of conflicting opinions; many think steamed vegetables are the way to go while some advocate raw, some think the cleanse should last no more than a week while others suggest 30 days or more, some think you should still eat grains + other organic foods, etc etc etc. I suggest creating a plan that works for you and your health priorities. Also, (& here's the kicker!), don't think of it as a diet. Think of it as an exciting change + a journey to health! Doing this primarily for weight loss is the quickest way to fail.

And after all, riots not diets, grrrls.

Have a great week, everyone.

xoxo, Maddie

Blue.

2011-01-15T02:28:00.001-06:00

These nights stretch on endlessly, black sky stretching out above as we race through the night. Against time. Endless. We're holding hands as I drive, singing, thinking, crying, laughing. It amazes me, this kind of friendship. The depths I have reached with you both fills me up, yet terrifies me at the same time. I am scared to lose you. To laugh so happily and carefree, then to talk of the future with frightened anticipation. You know my most inward self, sides of me that few others have seen. We lay on our backs listening to My Love on repeat for hours at a time. We giggle together, smile and dream hazily, then sit in silence as tears fall down our cheeks.

"And in that moment, I swear, we were infinite."

The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

I have reached a crossroads in time. Tomorrow brings the future, yet today holds my decisions. I am recklessly yet delicately trying to capture every detail. I try to remember the image of your illuminated headlights, half empty coffee cups, blue wigs and baby pink fingernails. I soak up every second, etching each into my memory in an attempt to never forget it. Never forget this. I am at the happiest I have ever been, and yet the saddest. Yet somehow, I am content with this realization. We pull wrinkled thrift store dresses on over our heads and step into dusty kitten heels. We trample through snow and laugh as our fingertips go numb. We don flower crowns exactly one year after the last snow photo shoot. We see the growth in ourselves and look at our past in dazzled confusion. They are unrecognizable to us. Merely kids with big dreams and twinkling eyes.

I want to tell you that I love you. Over and over. I want to tell you both how much you complete me, because I'm scared I won't get to say it enough to let it truly sink in. I am racing against time, dragging it in frustration, trying to slow change down yet speed it up all at once. We are in a mad, drunken daze, a dance with time, a race with youth. My love.

"So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be." The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

xoxo, Maddie.

Weekly Musings: Green Apples + Snow

2011-01-13T20:37:00.000-06:00

I've decided to create a new feature on my blog called Weekly Musings; it will serve basically the same purpose of Things I Love Thursday, only with a different name. If for no other reason than to make me more thankful and aware of the psychedelic, excellent blessings I receive each week, then to serve as a reason to blog should no other divine inspiration spark within me during the week. Let the fun begin!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. This week has been marvelous to the greatest extent. Until today, I hadn't attended school since last Friday--Monday through Wednesday were snow days pour moi! My days were filled with devouring boxed sets of Ally McBeal, (best show ever), eating scrumptious green apples + lush green salads, and enjoying the pure bliss of spending the day in cupcake pajama pants + a kitten tshirt.
Cleaning out my music library once and for all. I have been in a bit of a predicament in regards to musical organization for over a year now; I had been usingBearshare as a way to download music + was paying monthly for unlimited music downloads. However, the file types downloaded never seemed to match up with that required of any mp3 player I tried, + if they did, it was a "protected file" that couldn't be transferred. Long story short, I've been needing to uninstall Failshare, as my friendJonathan so cleverly coined it, + re-download all of my music for months now. I spent the last few days taking care of it + downloading new music, and I have never felt better. (Which sounds incredibly corny, but downloading over 2,000 songs that you are finally able to listen to is a very cathartic experience.)
Drinking water. I sound like such a dweeb, but it is such a great feeling to be done with carbonation. I didn't think I would last as long as I have, (Dr. Pepper was essentially my crack), but there is definitely a bright future of obsessive H2O consumption in my future.
Starbucks coffee outings. There are no fonder memories of my high school career thus far than late nights spent at the Starbucks about a block from my school. I have spent countless evenings there, snuggling up with a warm white chocolate mocha + talking for hours with the people I love and admire most. I justgot home from a four hour lengthy discussion with some of my very favorite people. I cherish the memories spent sitting in that coffee shop more than any others.
Polkadots. It occurred to me today as I haphazardly tossed my polka-dot lunch bag + polka-dot backpack under my desk in International Foods class that I may have a problem. I then looked down to see myself wearing a polka-dotted sweater. Love, love, love.
Feminism + Art incorporated. I have been doing a lot of research on Tracey Emin, the Guerilla Girls, + other feminist artists for a studio piece I'm doing for school. The theme is "the game of life," and I'm doing a huge instillation piece based on paper dolls, doll parts, + the expectations which society places upon women. I've come across some amazingly whimsical + eccentric artists so far, and I just find it all so inspiring. (If I weren't planning on art school, I'd definitely be minoring in gender studies.)
Four day weekend, ahoy! I have no school tomorrow + no school Monday for Martin Luther King day, which, believe it or not, was planned before we missed almost an entire week of school due to inclement weather. So I essentially had a five day break, one day of school today, and a four day break this weekend! I'm looking forward to long days of thrifting, art making, research paper writing, + Ally McBeal watching!

xoxo, Maddie

Riot Grrrl zine - Illustration by Julia Pott - Illustrations by Wayne Thiebaud

2011 Style Direction: Awkward Teenaged Riot Grrrl

2011-01-10T12:18:00.000-06:00

She wears vintage dresses of every style; rich florals, polka dots, tartan plaids. Her closet floor is filled with cheetah print flats, glitter-covered oxfords, beaded moccasins, and yellow Doc Martins. She wears light-wash denim jackets with rebellious pins + crafty brooches. She collects sequin covered sweaters and rich olive green trench coats. She paints over her pale faced blemishes with china doll colored foundation, then delicately applies her Edie Sedgwick eyelashes. She paints her lips red and dreams of far away cities and girls wearing flower crowns.

She fills her bag with used gum wrappers, book store receipts, + a ziploc bag of four-leaf clovers. She spends more money on white chocolate mochas than gasoline, and can almost always be found at the local Starbucks with two of her favorite partners in crime. She writes poetry in math class and tucks her disorderly notes into her purple polka dot backpack. She surrounds herself with people who have a knack for spontaneity. They go out for Chinese food on a Sunday night, ignoring talk of chaotic blizzards. They tie red balloons to strangers cars and fill diet + fitness books with empowering sticky notes.

She spends her every penny on books--her favorite corner of the bookstore is towards the back, where she pours over gender & women's studies, psychology, philosophy, the metaphysical, astrology, biographies, self help, and inspiration. She spends hours researching Kathleen Hanna and Joan Jett and holds a strong obsession with the 90's. She screams the lyrics of Cherry Bomb as she drives throughout town, then listens, lost in her dreams, to the melodic humming of Ingrid Michaelson. She turns any research paper she's given into an intellectual discussion of beauty culture, sexual expectations, and the stereotypes of women in society. She watches boxed sets of Ally McBeal + 30 Rock, then spends hours writing and listening to The Chordettes.

She's stuck in the pastels & rock 'n' roll wonder of the fifties, the revolution & pop art of the sixties, and the raw, artsy girl power of the nineties. She craves a wardrobe of Peter Pan collars and babydoll dresses like that of Courtney Love. She haphazardly cuts her own bangs and her smeared eyeliner never seems to stay in place. She makes almost every social situation awkward & wonders when she lost her elegant social ease. She takes pictures of everything she sees--snap, snap. She hems her own dresses, much to her mother's disdain, and the fraying hemlines that hang in threads around her knees are a bit of a signature touch. She owns posters of Audrey Hepburn and Rosie the Riveter, and she & her best friend have pioneered their own successful feminist fashion magazine. She believes in girl power and love, above all else. She possesses a thirst for knowledge. She is hungry with anticipation for the future, yet she is ever conscious of her quickly fading childhood. Her inspiration journal is packed full of pin-up girls, fabric swatches, quirky illustrations, photo booth strips, and offbeat self portraits. She watches Saturday Night Live religiously. She's in love with pop art, feminism, + iced tea. She is an awkward, teenaged riot grrrl.

xoxo, Maddie

The song is Mr. Sandman by Pomplamoose.

I honestly have no idea where the images are from--I saved them from tumblr ages ago.

If you see your photo, I'd be happy to add credit.

Luinae wrote an amazing style direction as well, which you can find here!

Routines: How to Energize Your Life.

2011-01-05T20:50:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone! I hope your first few days of two thousand eleven were fantastic! I wanted to write on routines after reading some amazing articles on mixing up your life for the new year. Over the past few days, I've been trying to actually act on my resolutions and change my life through little micromovements. I've started going to bed at 9:30 (the clock is ticking closer and closer as I finish this post!) and reading for awhile, until falling asleep around 10. I'm also now waking up at 6, which, let me tell you is much easier when you're getting eight hours of sleep. Every morning I turn on my Jack Johnson Curious George album, take a quick shower, get completely dressed, do my hair, + apply makeup before doing anything else. I used to get on the computer to check facebook, my email, + my horoscopes first, then realize I was extremely late + stress myself out trying to get ready at the last minute. I was barely on time to school every day because I wasn't allowing myself the leisurely time to ready myself for the day. I've also been drinking tons of water and avoiding soda and processed foods, as well as working out every evening.

You're probably wondering how this applies to you. Ultimately? It doesn't! But the overall point of this post is to show you that you have the option to mix up your life. Obviously, the new year is a typical time for resolutions that almost always fall through, but I've made the decision to make 2011 different. I'm going to change my life in a way that will have permanent effects, and I want to share those simple changes in habit with you!

How to Completely Energize Your Life!

Get ready to an upbeat album. Honestly, it's the best thing I've done for myself so far. I recommend Jack's album mentioned earlier, Volume Two by She & Him, Made of Bricks by Kate Nash, + Lenka's self titled album.
Eliminate soda from your life. Seriously. It's only been five days, but I was a compulsive pop drinker, and after replacing it with tons of water, I have so much more energy. Also, it's absolutely terrible for you. (Practically like drinking battery acid. Research it.)
Read more often. I suggest Unbearable Lightness by Portia de Rossi, The Diary of Anais Nin, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, & anything by SARK!
Invest in some good incense + burn some regularly in your room. I just stocked up on some scented like lily, which is supposedly an incredibly soothing scent.
Organize your room + redecorate. I am in OCD bliss.
Limit your computer time nightly.
Find a fabulous new pair of shoes + wear them with excitement. Avoid puddles at all costs (or jump in them with joy)!
Find yourself a quality vintage typewriter. I just scored one from Goodwill for only a dollar. Poetry, ahoy!
Find yourself a skin care system that works, and treat yourself by using it nightly. Hit Courtney up for this kind of thing--it's right up her alley.
Send letters, not texts.
Organize your music library. I am still in the process of downloading new music and clearing out the old--it's a surprisingly cleansing activity.
Read Gala Darling's post on Ten Things to Do to Keep Yourself Feeling Happy, Healthy, + Magical!
Watch a movie with incredible cinematography. I recommend Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Marie Antoinette, or Whip It (grrrl power!)
Read Luinae's post on habits.
Spend some quality time at a used bookstore. I am so addicted to books right now it's insane.

That should just about cover it! Have a wonderful week, everyone.

xoxo, Maddie

Two Thousand Eleven.

2011-01-01T15:02:00.001-06:00

Happy New Year, everyone! I excitedly rang in 2011 with some of my absolute favorite people. I had a small party at my house which consisted of the coincidental coordinating of black and white attire, drinking Sprite at midnight out of various sized wine glasses, dancing passionately to Lady Gaga, & engaging in copious amounts of cuddles and kisses as the year began. In the last few moments of 2010, we all held hands and counted down as we watched the ball drop in New York City. When we reached zero, we shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR," hugging and kissing and dancing to Sweet Disposition. Afterwards we drank our 7UP and talked in detail about everything we wanted for the new year. I could not be more excited! It was honestly the best New Year's Eve's I've experienced thus far, and I am so eager to begin these 365 days of adventure.

Two thousand eleven. How curious that time has passed by so quickly. This will be the year of change. The year of resolution, revolution, and reviving. I am enthusiastic and energetic about the fresh start and clean slate that today brings. So without further ado, my personal resolutions, goals, + priorities.

I want to read more. I let the stress of school work and the fatigue that follows prevent me from reading, and then spend the little free time I could be enjoying on the internet. As I redecorated my room, I realized I had dozens of books I have yet to crack open, and I honestly can't wait to begin.
Be less controlling + easily offended. Self explanatory, really.
Focus more on school. Last year I made a goal to stress less and create more memories, and to work more on furthering myself creatively. While I had a lot of great experiences because of that, my grades did falter just a bit. So this year, I would like to find a healthy balance between the two. (My goal is all A's next semester, and at least a B- in math.)
Stop drinking soda. This is a really big one for me--Dr Pepper is my vice.
Most importantly--Get to the point where I am comfortable in my own skin + learn to love myself as I am. Instead of making a resolution to lose weight or eat healthier, I first and foremost want to develop a respect for myself and work on radical self love. Once I get to that point, then I can move forward and do whatever is best for me in regards to fitness, health, and body image.
Blog more often + become better at commenting.
Stop procrastinating so much!
Be more constantly aware of positive thinking + the law of attraction. Read The Secret. It'll change your life.

What are your goals and wishes for 2011?

xoxo, Maddie

2010 in Review.

2010-12-30T16:15:00.000-06:00

As one of the last days of 2010 draws to a close, I can't help but reminisce at every second experienced throughout this difficult yet amazing year. It was one of the hardest of my life, yet one of the best. Situations have been thrust upon me that have changed my self and my life forever, & I have grown up. I have lost good friends and gained even more. A great year with groundbreaking, life changing, radical adventures. So, without further ado, a summary of my year!

What 2010 brought...

Acquired a better, more professional camera and began taking photography seriously, extensively planning shoots. Began interning for one of my role models / a local artist. Dropped the pseudonym "Sprinkle" and began writing under my real name, Maddie. Spent an entire year on the school debate team and increased my passion and knowledge of politics. Began researching and believing in the law of attraction. Created a facebook fanpage for my photography and began scheduling senior portrait shoots. Saw Tegan and Sara in concert. Flew across the ocean to live in France for two weeks through an exchange program. Attended my first feminist music festival. Turned sixteen. Acquired my driver's license. Attended tea parties + smeared "feminist warpaint" across my cheeks. Saw Jack Johnson in concert. Watched, overwhelmed with bliss, as Prop 8 was overturned. Published an article in Snippets Magazine. Began the second half of my high school career as an upperclassman. Started what has become an amazing friendship with Cassidy + spent many a night skyping with her and her friends. Saw She & Him in concert. Attended my first roller derby. Filled a bathtub with golden glitter and took copious amounts of photos. Saw Vampire Weekend in concert. Took my first ten page essay test. Discovered and cultivated an obsession with the Riot Grrrl movement. Attended multiple costume parties dressed as Nancy Drew and a girl of the 1960's. Attended a portfolio day at a local art institute and began communicating with multiple college representatives. Had my editorial on women in Greek mythology published in an issue of Style Sample magazine. Released the premiere issue of Courtney & I's own feminist fashion magazine, Missfits. Lost my best friend & fairy godmother to a long battle with cancer. Experienced pain. Felt comfort and the outreach of amazing peers. Felt love deeper than I've ever felt it before. & So Much More...

Number of Photos Taken... At a rough estimate, over 5,600 photos!

What 2011 brings...

Four more issues to be released of Missfits. The beginning of my last year of high school. Applying for art school. Spending a week or two in California with Cassidy + my favorite ladies, fingers crossed. Possibly traveling to NYC to photograph an art show. Completing my last semester of math until college. Creating even more amazing memories with the people I love. Spending hours upon hours taking + editing photographs. Spending even more hours creating art. Developing a young women's club at my school. Taking the ACT and SAT standardized tests. Turning seventeen. & So Much More...

I am beyond excited. Despite the cliche, predictable nature of the statement, I can honestly say that I feel 2011 is going to be my year. By this time next year, only four more months of high school will stand between me and my future. Bring it on, two thousand and eleven. I await you with open arms + a smile of optimism upon my lips.

In this video, in order as it appears... Underwater shoot, photo booth fun, highlights from my trip to France, (including my host family + French sister Ludivine, & Lady Gaga in a crêperie!), a summer shoot with my friend Molly, Jack Johnson in concert, my art class sisters (two of whom have since moved across the country!), feminist warpaint with my cousin + Courtney, my friend Ben's band & their backyard show, Jordan's solo of her hit single Running in Your Jammies, memories from art class, Chinese food adventures, Scrabble Club, beautiful sunsets, skype with Cass + Nikki, city nights, roller derby, photos from Homecoming, Vampire Weekend in concert, Oktoberfest, Halloween (root beer, not alcohol!), She & Him, my cousin & I singing cheesily, milkshakes & thrift store shenanigans, behind the scenes photos of my Greek mythology shoot, the actual release of my editorial + the photos included, annual vintage cocktail party downtown, Jordan's goodbye cupcakes, my art family, photo booth fun, annual Youth in Government convention at our state capitol, the release of Missfits, various collages of photos from '10, singing Katy Perry in the car with Hunter + Courtney, & Tuesday's balloon photo shoot. Phew!

Happy New Year, everyone.

xoxo, Maddie.

The Red Balloon Project.

2010-12-28T19:09:00.000-06:00

I am in such an inspired, productive mood as of lately! My holidays were perfect, as I hope yours were too. I have such a great group of family and friends that I am blessed to spend time with.

The last couple of days have consisted of 2011 preparation. I have cleaned my bedroom from top to bottom, taking out anything that no longer holds importance or significance in my life. I ended up donating a little under twenty boxes of stuffed animals + various clutter, and threw away multiple trash bags of old papers, magazines, etc. I have cleaned out every desk drawer and crate, reorganized my jewelry, taken out my old children's books and filled my shelf with books I will actually read, & more! As you can probably tell, I'm a bit over-excited about it--I stayed up until 2:30 AM on Sunday because I just couldn't stop! My project for the next couple of days is my wardrobe--I want to remove anything I no longer wear on a regular basis and donate it, pour over some street style books, magazine editorials, and various fashion blogs to gather inspiration, then thrift to my heart's content and build a closet of clothes that I will actually wear.

I am making it a priority to make 2011 count. I want organization again--because of a lot of personal crisis experienced in the last year, along with simple laziness, I've let my life get a bit wonky, for lack of a better adjective. In 2011, I want better grades, better health, an improved wardrobe, and a room that meets my priorities. I'll be writing a "year in review" post soon on 2010, inspired by Miss Gala Darling, followed by a New Year's piece on my goals and priorities for the 365 days of adventure ahead.

In other news, Courtney and I had one of the most magical days today. We slept in & woke up itching with the desire for a good photo shoot, so we packed my new fish eye lens attachment, bought six cherry red balloons, and drove off to a local lake, Grease soundtrack blasting from the stereo.

After snapping some pictures in freezing cold weather, terrorizing some geese along the way, we drove off to the dollar store and bought a package of 500 post-it notes, upon which we wrote various empowering reminders on and stuck inside the covers of diet & self help books at Borders. That, plus drinking Sonic Happy Hour sodas, speaking in British accents, buying the latest issue of Bust, & tying balloons to the cars of IHOP employees makes for one excellent afternoon. It was absolute bliss, to say the least. Enjoy the photos!

xoxo, Maddie

A Very Merry Christmas!

2010-12-24T10:57:00.000-06:00

Photo by Tim Walker

I just wanted to wish everyone a very merry Christmas. I hope your holiday is filled with an abundance of love and joy, and your hearts filled with warmth. I hope Santa brings you everything you could ever dream of, and that hot chocolate and Christmas cheer is sent your way.

Best wishes to you and yours,

Maddie

Avoiding Cabin Fever.

2010-12-21T15:23:00.000-06:00

image from tumblr

HOORAY! I've made it through first semester--today is the first official day of Christmas break, and I'm fully prepared to live each moment with great excitement. I plan on actually using the time wisely this year, instead of just sitting around like vacations of Christmases past. I am actually super excited about all of this free time--I have so much I've been meaning to accomplish but never quite seem to have the time to do. Without further ado--How I plan on avoiding "cabin fever" during winter break.

+ Cleaning my bedroom from top to bottom. I'm talking donating old books I no longer read, cleaning out desk drawers, dusting, vacuuming, etc. Completely rearranging my atmosphere.

+ Revamping my wardrobe and removing clothes I rarely / never wear, then donating them to secondhand charity shops. I plan on starting a stylespiration book and reading up on street style blogs for inspiration.

+ Recreating my inspiration board. It has become a cluttered collage of anything significant that I've collected over the past three years of high school versus an actual source of inspiration. I want to develop a bin for all of my mementos and memories, but create a new board that really defines my goals and dreams as of right now.

+ Finally reading all of the books I have piled up on my "to read" list! I can't wait!

+ Watching all of the movies on my list, as well. (I watched Shutter Island today--completely mind blowing.)

+ Making art, art, art! I have a studio piece prompt that I need to begin brainstorming for and creating thumbnails of, but I have a lot of other ideas for personal pieces as well!

+ Downloading new MUSIC! I just discovered "Little Jackie" and "Care Bears on Fire" today, and I am in love. Download now!

+ Exercising! Because it's good for you, and hey! You get to lounge about all day reading Virginia Woolf afterwards, guilt free.

+ Drinking hot cocoa and listening to Christmas carols!

What are you planning on enjoying this winter break?

xoxo, Maddie

Meet Me in Montauk.

2010-12-20T21:55:00.000-06:00

‎"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot. The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned."

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is truly one of the most beautiful films I have ever seen in my entire life. It's been a favorite of mine for a few years now, but each time I watch it, I am blown away by every beautifully imperfect, gritty detail.

Coming from the perspective of a photographer and artist, the aesthetic and cinematography is to die for. The wardrobe is even more delicious--rugged flannels, twee Salvation Army vibes, cargo pants, faux fur coats, flea market accessories + costume jewelry, manic panic hair, pop art color splotches, skeleton tshirts, etc! Absolutely gorgeous. Every single second is worthy of a screenshot. And aside from being a visual divinity, the acting and script is simply perfect.

The film basically follows the idea of possessing the ability to completely erase someone from your mind. Through a newly released brain procedure, patients can choose to permanently remove a person, including their relationship & all general memory of that person, from their thoughts. Without giving too much away, the film follows the journey both Clementine and Joel undergo as they experience the process of erasing each other, and the regret and complexities that follow. It's honestly a difficult film to summarize--much like Inception or the Virgin Suicides, it contains some sort of mystical element that really cannot be explained or shortened into a few sentences. Each time I watch it, my mind is blown again and again. You just have to watch it yourself.

I am in love with their relationship. Right down to the beautiful disaster of their dysfunction, Joel and Clementine's love is exactly what I want for myself at some point in life. There is something so gripping about the idea of being able to completely destroy someone from your memories. I can't even begin to imagine. I will leave you with some more beautiful film stills. Merry Christmas, everyone.

Christmas Festivities + Finals!

2010-12-18T20:10:00.000-06:00

This Christmas has been an interesting one for me so far.. December was sort of thrust upon me with painful circumstances, and the last week or two have been stressful in anxious preparation for final exams. But as things start to calm down, (my last five finals are on Monday and Tuesday, then Christmas break ahoy!), I've been attempting to get myself in more of a seasonal spirit.

I've decorated Christmas trees and sugar cookies, and I'm currently listening to old holiday records and cleaning my room so I can put up my personal pink tree in the windowsill.

I'm excitedly awaiting Tuesday afternoon. After leaving school for vacation, my family and I are planning on spending the evening looking at the plaza lights and drinking hot cocoa. I await 2011 anxiously and with great hope--I think it's going to be the year of change for me.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

xoxo, Maddie.

Missfits Magazine: Now Available in Print!

2010-12-12T22:29:00.000-06:00

Missfits Magazine Issue 1:

Winter 2010

By Maddie Maschger in Fashion & Style

The premiere issue of Missfits magazine! We are the alternative; We are a feminist fashion magazine that focuses not only on haute couture, but empowerment. We are an open collaboration of young women. We are the nonconformists. We are Missfits. Because the future is female.

Technology Break.

2010-12-06T20:18:00.000-06:00

Image from tumblr

Hey everyone. I'm going to be taking a break from the internet until Saturday morning. I need to wrap my head around some things and take some time to myself, and I have some grades that I'd just like to improve just a bit, out of perfectionistic nature. I hope you can all understand. It's less than a week, but it will be much needed.
There will be tears, laughter, reading, exercising, painting, studying, mourning, rejoicing, and living in the true sense of the word. I'm hoping to improve my Christmas spirit a bit as well, along the way.
The only updates you will receive are that of Missfits--I'll log on to let everyone know when it is available for print. Until then, wish me luck. This is going to be a tough week in more ways than one.
xoxo, Maddie.

I Will Miss You.

2010-12-05T12:33:00.000-06:00

I'm going to miss you. Here it is, a letter that you'll never read. I can only hope that by some miracle of occurrences you'll know I feel these things within your soul. I hope you knew how much I loved you. How much I love you. The last thing I said to you was exactly the words I wish to express today. If I am ever half the woman you have been, I will have lived a spectacular existence.

I'm going to miss you. Though I know you wouldn't want me to be sad, I can't seem to keep it together right now. I love you so much. You are absolutely amazing, and you will never be forgotten. You were the best "fairy godmother" a girl could ever hope for. I loved you will all ten fingers and some of my toes.

Here's to the memories I'll never forget. To the hugs, the slug bugs, the text messages forever saved, the peach tea, the midnight phone calls, the trust and sharing of secrets, the acceptance and unconditional love, the remission and then reinfection. You are at peace now.

I don't know what else to say; you changed my life, and living without knowing you're a phone call away seems impossible. I know you'll still be there, somehow. I just wanted to say that I love you.

Goodbye, friend.

I'll never forget you.

Missfits Magazine: Premiere Issue Release!

2010-12-01T06:35:00.001-06:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I am extremely proud to present the fruits of my labor. Without further ado, enjoy the very first issue of Missfits magazine. Print copies will be available in a few days (the perfect stocking stuffer!) and it would mean the world if you spread the word about Missfits simply to get it out there! To those of who who asked, allow me to explain:

We are the alternative; We are a feminist fashion magazine that focuses not only on haute couture, but empowerment. We are an open collaboration of young women. We are the nonconformists. We are Missfits. Because the future is female.

I really hope you enjoy our winter issue. If you're interested in contributing in the future, simply email missfitsmag@hotmail.com.

Peace out, grrrl scouts,

Maddie

Holiday Postcards!

2010-11-26T22:13:00.000-06:00

Hello everyone!

Just a quick note--the first year I had this blog, I sent out postcards for Christmas! Well, I've decided to reboot the tradition. They'll probably arrive around Christmas or New Year's, if you're interested. The first twenty-five people to email me with their address will receive one in their stocking this year! Email away. Much love.

xoxo, Maddie.

Scrumptious Reading List: 2010-11!

2010-11-26T19:07:00.000-06:00

Photo by K.

Bonjour, salut! I spent the majority of my Black Friday (& by that I mean sleeping in & then leisurely browsing picked-over selections after the madness has occurred) pouring over books at Borders, and it sparked the idea of sharing my reading list with all of you. I wanted to make it my read-these-before-New-Year's list, but I feel like that's literally impossible. So it's really just a list of books I'd like to read at some point in the near future. Enjoy! (There's quite a bit of empowering women's studies lit that I highly suggest you take a look at!)

The Feminine Mystique - Betty Friedan.

The Awakening - Kate Chopin

The Second Sex - Simone de Beauvoir.

Eccentric Glamour - Simon Doonan.

Popism: The Warhol Sixties - Andy Warhol & Patt Hackett.

Girl, Interrupted - Susanna Kaysen.

Living Artfully - Sandra Magsamen.

Lolita - Vladimir Vladimirovich Naboko.

Into The Wild - Jon Krakauer.

Intuitive Eating - Evelyn Tribole, Elyse Resch.

Siddhartha - Hermann Hesse.

Tuck Everlasting (again) - Natalie Babbitt.

Peter Pan - J. M. Barrie.

Secret Memoirs of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis - Ruth Francisco.

Flower Children - Maxine Swann.

Brave on the Rocks - Sabrina Ward Harrison.

A Room of One's Own - Virginia Woolf.

Night and Day - Virginia Woolf.

Moments of Being - Virginia Woolf.

The Diary of Anais Nin (I'm halfway through) - Anais Nin.

Ladders to Fire - Anais Nin.

How to Be a Hepburn in a Hilton World - Jordan Christy.

The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath - Sylvia Plath.

The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death - Laurie Notaro.

Unbearable Lightness - Portia de Rossi.

Full Frontal Feminism - Jessica Valenti.

The Beauty Myth - Naomi Wolf.

What books have you been dying to get your hands on?

xoxo, Maddie.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-25T10:18:00.000-06:00

Photo by phonebookcount_II

I just wanted to wish everyone a very happy Thanksgiving! If I haven't already expressed it, I am eternally thankful for all of the friendships, connections, and memories I've been blessed with because of this blog. The last two years have been unbelievable. For those of you in America, I hope you enjoy a day full of turkey, Christmas lights, parades, fall leaves and sparkling snow, & hot chocolate. For those of you elsewhere, I wish you a magical evening!

I've always thought of Thanksgiving as a start-off for the Christmas season. Tomorrow, I'll get out the 'ol pink Christmas tree, start listening to holiday tunes, & endure the cold with all of the other crazy Black Friday shoppers.

Have a magical day.

xoxo, Maddie

I Miss It All.

2010-11-20T00:51:00.000-06:00

Everyone is so different now. People change. Over time, through pain, joys, laughter, people's hearts twist and grow. The kids we used to be turned into people, and hearts got broken. I miss these people who used to be a part of my life. What happens, seemingly over night, to change the closest of souls to barely acquaintances? Have you ever thought about it? What was the last night you spent with them. The last sleepover. The last party attended. The last conversation spoken.

I feel like everyone is speeding past me, college applications, paychecks, plans in hand, and I'm stuck, huddled in the middle, stopped in time. Nothing but a scribbled blog of dreams in hand. Everything around me, perpetually spinning. It's scary, sometimes.

xoxo, Maddie

Missfits Magazine: Contributors Needed!

2010-11-15T17:43:00.001-06:00

Announcement! Attention female riot grrrls! Revolution Girl Style Now!

First of all, it occurred to me that I had settled on a name & never announced! Thank you all for your fabulous and creative names and entries. The winning title for Courtney & I's feminist fashion magazine is Missfits, submitted by Linda! Thank you very much.

Secondly, we are in dire need of contributors! Writers, photographers, artists, oh my! Send us samples & ideally, a pitch, to missfitsmag@hotmail.com! We're also offering free advertising at this time, if you have a shop or a blog that aligns with our goals.

The release date at this point in time is December 1st! The perfect stocking stuffer, oui?

xoxo, Maddie

The Diary of Anais Nin: 1931-1934

2010-11-14T21:10:00.003-06:00

I've begun this absolutely amazing novel, The Diary of Anais Nin: 1931-1934. It's honestly one of the best books I've ever opened, and I wanted to share a few of my favorite quotes with you. Enjoy!

"Ordinary life does not interest me. I seek only the high moments. I am in accord with the surrealists, searching for the marvelous. I want to be a writer who reminds others that these moments exist; I want to prove that there is infinite space, infinite meaning, infinite dimension."

"His notes: black stockings, overfull bags, missing buttons, hair always falling down or about to topple down, a strand always falling over the eye, hasty dressing, mobility, no repose… At times she has holes in her stockings, wears unwashed jeans, uses safety pins to hold everything together. At other times she rushes to buy gloves, perfume. But all the time her eyes are carefully made-up, like the eyes on Egyptian frescos. ‘She demands illusion as other women demand jewels.’ …From his notes for a future novel: June brings to the studio a treasure house of curios, paintings, statues, with vague stories as to how they had been acquired. Just recently I found that she had obtained a statue from Zadkine saying she would sell it and, of course, never did. She makes use of the soft part of the bread for a napkin. She falls asleep at times with her shoes on, on unmade beds. When a little money comes in, June buys delicacies, strawberries in the winter, caviar and bath salts."

"He has an eagerness to catch everything without make-up, without embellishment, women before they comb their hair, waiters before they don artificial smiles with their artificial bow ties."

"So delicacy and violence are about to meet and challenge each other. The image this brings to my mind is an alchemist workshop. Beautiful crystal bottles communicating with each other by a system of fragile crystal canals. These transparent bottles show nothing but jeweled, colorful liquids or clouded water or smoke, giving to the external eye an abstract aesthetic pleasure. The consciousness of danger, fatal mixtures, is known only to the chemist. I feel like a well-appointed laboratory of the soul—myself, my home, my life—in which none of the vitality fecund or destructive, explosive experiments has yet begun. I like the shape of the bottles, the colors of the chemicals. I collect bottles, and the more they look like alchemist bottles, the more I like them for their eloquent forms."

"You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book… or you take a trip… and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death."

xoxo, Maddie.

Completely inspired.

2010-11-14T07:54:00.000-06:00

I am at a point this morning where everything feels magical again. Perhaps it is the feeling of approaching holidays in the air, but I feel that anything is possible. I'm ready to change. I wish to recreate my life.

I wish to read more often, create art more often, re-open my etsy shop with handmade magic, blog more often, plan exquisite photo shoots, buy glorious dresses, create a scrapbook of high school so far, make lists, buy oranges by the dozen, regularly wear cat-eye glasses, & simply overwhelm myself with inspiration. You see, that is where I went wrong; As I grew older, I tried to grow up and sink myself into more mainstream ideals of what being a teenager is all about. Nothing crazy, but the magic still left. And now I feel I have it back, this feeling that I don't want to ever let go of. I'm spending my day doing homework, cleaning my room, and planning my new lifestyle. Starting tomorrow, everything will be different. I'm going to eat foods with little to no chemicals/processed materials and munch on more nutritious things, like fruits and vegetables. I'm going to start Christmas shopping. Arranging more senior picture shoots. Working out regularly.

I want to be a size 8 by summer. That's the goal. I'm tired of letting insecurity defeat me. It's simply too easy to fix to complain constantly! Wahoo!
I just wanted to share this inspiration with all of you, because I feel it has been too long since I've done so. I hope you all have an absolutely spectacular Sunday.
xoxo, Maddie.

Style Sample Magazine: To the Greek!

2010-11-09T18:31:00.000-06:00

Hello, everyone! I have super exciting news. My editorial was published in Style Sample Magazine! I believe I mentioned doing a shoot on women in greek mythology at some point, and it was adapted as an editorial. I am so excited, I can't even contain it. Please check it out on page 35 and let me know what you think!

xoxo, Maddie.